Golden

The grandparents are celebrating their 50th Golden Anniversary this weekend. That's fifty years of togetherness and the same person to come home to. A milestone; it's hard to stand a single person for fifty years straight. It's even harder when you're married.

Gramma still gives Granddad rubdowns every night, and he still refuses to drive her anywhere. She doesn't mind this, because she loves to walk. He gardens and loves to have structures made; she makes banana cakes and loves her job. He's a lawyer; she teaches.

For as long as I've known them both, they've always done their own thing, but put up a united front. They make a point of going to mass together. Gramma explained this to me a long time ago. They each have a set portion of the myriad bills that come with marriage, so there's no fighting and no problems. They both know what they have to do, and they get it done.

They are two of the most independent and driven people I have ever gotten the chance to know - I think that's the glue that binds them together. They were hip before the word 'hip' was even coined. Being the head of the family Granddad had to make the hard decisions. Gramma was never the stay-at-home happy housewife; I think she'd have gone nuts if she had to stay at home with the vacuum cleaner and waited for the husband to bring home the bacon. She didn't neglect the housewife bit, though. And he had double duty as the dad/mom when she went to the States to get an advanced degree. He pulled it off - all the kids finished college. Futuristic. I don't really know how they did it, they just did.

Fifty years, five kids, eight grandkids and one great-grandchild later, they're celebrating the Golden Anniversary that so few manage to reach in the age of divorces and annulments. But these two very special people managed it.

I've never been a big one for the institution of marriage. It's daunting and it always has the power to unnerve me. The idea of total togetherness in foreverness and mortgages.

Poring through the wedding pictures my Gramma locked away in a vault, all the pictures of the children and the life they've shared for the past fifty years is a poignant experience.

Maybe it's all worth it after all. This is what people dream of; a wonderful lifetime with the one you love. Holding hands until the sun sets. Going your own way in the day, but always getting back together to share the night. I'm glad these two have that.

Viddy This

Backstreet Boys - Helpless When She Smiles

The Backstreet Boys are proof positive that I at least had a little taste in high school. Yes, yes I know, it's horrible. Glad they managed to redeem themselves from dancing around on a giant disco ball in the late '9os. In essence their performance these days helps redeem my ridiculousness for actually liking them. AJ however, looks like he's on roids, his neck is so thick. Then again, he does sing for his supper. I still heart their brand of music. They're all married and taken now. Nick, you are still gay as heck. Howeeeee! Ay lab you!



Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day

Okay - is Linkin Park the new U2? Because their past two videos are all about current issues and civil unrest. Fighting for a place in UNICEF. Love the song, though. Chester, please try to keep your shirt on. Where's Mike Shinoda and the drummer, dammit? Too good for this video.

Love in the Rinse Cycle

So yesterday,I decided to haul-ass to Lavada Queen, the one self-service laundromat in town that I know about. I was pissed with my laundry person, for continually delivering my clothes a week late and didn't feel like letting him have my money this week. Unfortunately I had a pile of dirty clothes and nothing to wear to show for my pissy, hissy fit. Jet recommended LQ, so I went.

Why, you ask? Aside from the pleasure of depriving my laundry person of my money, I just wanted to see what it was like to do my own laundry in the big city. At a laundromat. Fine, fine, I'm a sucker for buttons and I like pushing them. I also wanted to do the whole do-rag in the hair, trashy novella in hand, waiting for the rinse cycle to get completed thing. And yes, sometimes I like to think that my life is a movie, complete with a soundtrack and everyone is watching. So I wanted to give the watchers a sense of being real.

(I can see Illi rolling his eyeballs in NYC right now.)

Upon arrival, I had to ring a bell, which brought the pretty, fifty-something owner to me. She asked if I had detergent. I said yes. Asked if I had fabric softener. It's too strong a smell for me, so I opted out. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, and felt like a complete idiot. Then the help (the owner had disappeared by this time around) just fiddled around, while I stood gaping. They didn't give me time to read the instructions! I wanted to push my own buttons, dammit! It's all so fascinating. A token! And you make it go in the machine. And the machine goes bloop, bloop, bloop.

God, I am soooo third-world.

Anyway, I grabbed a two year-old issue of the Philippine Tatler and waited until the washer was done. I got to push the button this time, loading it into the dryer.

It's a good two hours of my life I'll never get back, and I'm not sure the whole experience was worth the money it took, but I had fun anyway. And I hope the watchers did too. As much fun as you can have waiting for laundry to dry.

I never did get to do the do-rag thing though.

Headline Porn

Demanding, much?

Save us, Angelina! I'm not sure we're poor or war-torn enough for the Jolie. Somehow I don't think she'll hear the cries. Especially since I really don't think the reason is upfront. I sense an ulterior motive: spank bank!

Can't Stop the Feelin'

For Illi.

I think that's Patrick de Guzman. He was such a hot hunk of meat. I remember crushing on him way back. Where is he now anyway?

Videoke Princesses

Had a fun Friday with Paulie - videoke-ing it up like there was no tomorrow.

The thing about videoke is, I've never liked it. It's always been an exercise in drunken San Mig Lites, a bajillion cigarettes, and talking about inconsequential bullshit. I never got the drunk, smoking part of it (probably because I don't drink/smoke). This one was done stone cold sober.

I suppose videoke is fun when you're singing it up with a crazy, fabulous fagette like Paulie - Paraiso is the theme of the day.

Headline Porn

We take things seriously when we say sex sells. Look at that hot mess. Sexy all around!

And then we have gems like this. Gay carnival worker. The visual image is priceless. Twenty stab wounds? They actually bothered to count. Amazing. That's journalism for you. They're unstoppable! It's the pursuit of truth, indeed. Side note: can one actually leave a slimy trail of flesh when one is crawling?

Enchan-tay

Watched Enchanted with Paulie and Abby yesterday. It's the most cringe-inducing, ridiculous, embarassing, funny movie I've seen in what seems like a very very long while.

James Marsden as a dashing, singing, prince is a crazy work of casting. But he brought such earnestness to the whole thing, and looked as if he actually didn't mind wearing that stupid-ass princely costume (he looked like he was wearing major shoulder pads). Swashbuckling on top of an NYC bus with poufy sleeves. He deserves whatever amount he was paid for this effort.

Speaking of getting paid, they had to have paid a bajillion to Patrick Dempsey for being willing to wear that atrocious prince-esque costume. I just felt like yelling at him to go back to Seattle Grace. Not working, Dempsey! We can see you cringing!

Maybe I associate him too much with his McDreamy alter-ego. He just looked uncomfortable. But then, maybe that's what he was supposed to look like. Imagine being some dour divorce lawyer suddenly confronted by an idiotic singing bimbo who believes in getting married after only knowing a guy after one day.

Props to Susan Sarandon for being the extremely wicked stepmother. Her boobs are still humongous. She looked like a drag queen. Loved it!

The whole thing was sugary to the extreme - and a load of fun times. It also made me realize how cynical this world already is. Everyone's a jade. No one believes in happily ever after. Which, sad as it can be, is rather true. You don't break out into song in Central Park. No one sings with you - unless it's a Bollywood movie or one of those things Viva Films come out with where Donna Cruz sings "Kapag Tumibok ang Puso" in the middle of some high school and whatnot.

In Utero

So it's your birthday and you get all the cake and presents. Your mother gets the achy back because she had to make spaghetti.

I've been giving it some thought and have realized that birthdays are unfair to mothers. On the one big special day, everyone remembers you were born - no one remembers how much agony your mother had to go through. The dilation. Placenta. The groggy aftermath. I'm not sure I want to be a mother at this point.

A Verry Merry Unbirthday

I had a good time yesterday - since I have to age a year today, decided to treat myself as a way of saying goodbye. There's just something about this whole getting old thing. It's depressing because it's time you can't get back. And wrinkles as a whole, really do blow.

It's nice to have friends. Much lurve to Lizzie Q. for taking me out to dinner - sweet! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I had a great time. La Taverna was great. Suckling pig next time?

So I'm still thinking about possibly buying a pair of boots that will cost something hefty. Is it worth it or is it not? It could be my b-day and Xmas combined. I'm not sure.

I'm rambling so I should sleep. For everyone who wished me well today, thank you for remembering. I really was touched.

Headline Porn

So... they're happy they got abused?

These newspapers. They confound me.

Hermit the Frog

Where have I been, you ask? Holed up in my room all weekend, avoiding society. Watching House, MD - which is pretty fun. For all his gnarly scruffiness and bastardly ways, Dr. House is a straight-shooting, no-nonsense, intelligent sonofagun. Season 2 and counting! I love pirated DVDs.

Oh, and in other news finally got Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows courtesy of Alex and amazon.ca. He sent it all gift-wrapped and stuff. He is the sweetest thing on earth. I am SO GLAD i stayed away from the spoilers. I loved it. Couldn't put it down. I'd read it again in a heartbeat. All the drama and action! *Burp* Yummy. I'm not posting a review, I just wanted to rave about it.

Warehouse Family

Had a lot of fun last Saturday with galpal Kristine S., who was nice enough to finally drive me over to White Gold and Makro. Yes, I get my kicks by visiting grocery stores so huge they're warehouses. I actually do love grocerying. There's always something about wheeling a cart down an aisle overflowing with food, produce and canned tins. It's inspiring. (Yes, this is my therapy, aside from shoes.)

My current favoritest grocery store? The new Rustan's Supermarket. Basement floor, Ayala Center.

Anyway, White Gold. Brings back memories. The last time I was at White Gold was before it burnt down - I was ten, I think. I remember keeping an arcade game token from them. So they rebuilt the entire place and it apparently is still a department store although people go there mostly to buy groceries to stock the sari-sari stores. Major bulk. It was warm and a bit uncomfy, but good stuff. They're the only ones that sell this Eng Bee Tin, this really great maker of hopia. I love mongo hopia... oh no. Made in China. Squelch that thought.

Then we sped off to Makro, which is infamous for low low prices and major bulkage - there are no little baskets in that big warehouse. You have to drag a huge-ass trolley (so big you need to drag it behind you), which looks like it's built for stacking boxes on. After ogling just about everything, we settled for a small pack of marshmallows each.

... and... that was it. Yes, life is boring and there's nothing better to do except visit grocery stores. Word of advice: don't wear 4-inch high wooden wedges if you're going grocery shopping. Love your soles and shins.

Time is Unkind

Spice Girls - Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)

Here's the Spice Women and their latest single and video. They never used to vie for the spotlight before, always preferring to stay in their own niche. One was sexy, one was cute, one was sporty, one was aggressive, one was loud. Now no one is loud and everyone wants to be the classy one. The whole thing is an exercise in "look at me, look at me." KSP out the wazoo.

Why is Ginger Spice the only one baring her stomach? Why is Posh Spice dressed like a bondage queen and voguing for all she's worth? Poor Sporty. Ten years, and she's still the least attractive. Baby Spice just had a baby and therefore can't slut it up yet. Ditto for Scary. They never should've disbanded so soon. This reunion was a bad idea.Why can't it be 1997 all over again?

Opus of the Day

It's arrived! Here's Cletus and Imogen's first starrer. It's beautiful and a work of art, if I may say so myself. Just a lot of froggy love - it has to be shared with the world. Turn up the volume before you hit play. It enlivens the experience.

Headline Porn

Couldn't go without giving you all your daily dose. You know you love this shizz.

I have no idea how true this is, but I do know this reminds me of the puppy my gramma's houseboy said was called Pam-pam. I was twelve and had no idea. Despite my Uncle Gerry's efforts to convince everyone her name was Sophie, the damage had been done. She was known as Pam-pam till the day she kicked the doggy bucket. She lived up to her name, too. The neighborhood tramp - I lost count of how many puppies she birthed.

Soul Food

"This is life's ultimate cruelty; it offers us a taste of youth and vitality, and then makes us witness our own decay."
- Lisle Von Rhuman (Isabella Rossellini), Death Becomes Her

Happy All Souls Day to everyone - if "happy" is indeed the term. Found myself poking through the miscellaneous junk in my archives and came to a realization: I think I look like a brick house compared to last year. And last year, I thought I was fat. This is as timely as it can get. What better time to scare yourself into foregoing food altogether?

Yeah, and I look scary now. Time is a cruel thing. Age is even worse.

This depressed me so much, I'm drinking a glass of pineapple juice and calling it dinner and a night.

The Next Best Thing to Naked

Grabbed from Nakanampucha

Grossness in action, LOL! This is one place I am staying away from, 100% guaranteed.

This was seen at a public pool in Pansol, Laguna. Damn, they're not kidding when they say public. I shudder to think of what the water there must be like. One can only speculate. A microcosm of microorganisms. You don't want that crawling up the cooch. Bring panties and a Haz-Mat suit!

You gotta love the Philippines - this is priceless with a capital P.

Paper Lurve

Origami porn alert! Turn away if you're squeamish. This is NSFW. I obviously had way too much to think about and my subconscious started rebelling.


Imogen arrived the other day and Cletus took to her like a duck does to water. Those two have been doing the nasty all over my desk, it's distracting. They won't quit! I've a video coming up - I just need to add the crazy synthesizer music. Imogen is a skanky piece of paper and Cletus is in love with her brand of perv. Shameless.

They also decided to involve Logitech in their fun. Paper gang bangs! Origami is a lovely lovely thing.


Trivia of the Day: the word origami comes from the Japanese "oru" (paper) and "kami" (fold).

Not to be outdone here's George, my new angel-
fish, who is happy swimming in his own area and doesn't give an eff. I seem to be doing a lot of the amphibians and water-dwellers. I'll start on the mammals soon enough, when I have the time. I love origami!

Deck the Halls

Amp up the scary! Halloween is getting celebrated, big time. Work is a hodge-podge of themes, and may the best team win. I was never into the halloween much. Last year I didn't even obther because it was my day off. This time around, I've a partner in crime - Aileen - who is crazy enough to go along with my shenanigans. I like that girl. Witness our bout with camwhoration. Hopefully there'll be more come Monday. I plan to dress up as a drag queen.

Disclaimer: I know Illi, I know. I'm fat. It doesn't help being photographed next to Aileen, who looks like a 12-year old but eats like a horse. Heck I don't think I was that small when I was twelve. If I ate like a horse, I wouldn't look twelve, I'd look like a blimp.

Fold Me Now

Origami is my new therapy of choice. I got into it two days ago for an activity I had to facilitate, and I'm hooked. It's all I can seem to do. There's something about just folding paper into triangles that's soothing. With the current stuff I do at work, sometimes it helps just to let my mind drift and let my fingers do the talking. Um. It's not as nasty as that sounds, you sickos.

At any rate, I've mastered the basic hopping frog and the origami box. I'm loving Origami Instructions, it's great for stuff to do, and pretty easy to follow. Never thought I'd be into doing all the folding. It must be all the spare paper at work. I've currently also been able to do the more complicated blow-up frog, and it's a horny pink one indeed. It likes to hump my mouse. That's because it's lonely. I think I'm going to name him Cletus. Tomorrow, Cletus shall have his green ladylove, Imogen. And then maybe he can stop raping my poor mouse, who is called Logitech. Incidentally, Logitech is a guy.

Seen-derella

Spent the remainder of last Sunday with Abby at SM, pretty much just roaming around, wasting time and money. Weekends should be spent with your fun girlfriendsAt any rate, it was a happy day! Quickly is back! Now I can get my taro ice fix. Quickly used to be the main reason I'd go to SM, but they disappeared for a while and broke my heart. Something about a hard time with the stock. Lies! All is forgiven because now it's available again. I know Alex loves taro ice plain, but I love taro ice with chewy nata bits. I plan to return and try out the pudding.

That's got to be the sweetest-smelling horse on earth. Come to think of it, using this on humans is ridic. Isn't the shampoo enough? Everytime I see this, I think of really really sleek thoroughbred ponies.

And finally, the most *cough* unique *cough* ice cream to date. On the cheap! Get it while supplies last!

Finally

CD-R King is my new store of choice! I got myself a dial-up modem on the super super cheap - maybe it'll blow up in a few days, but oh well. This store is the UniTop of electronics. I've gotten an optical mouse and a Bluetooth dongle, and now a modem. The mouse and dongle are still going strong but I'll need to wait before I give the verdict on the modem. Dial-up is slow and excruciating, but hey it's convenient for me right now so I'm making do. Yay, blogging!

Inconsolable

My song of the moment. Look at them emo the hell out of the song. Nick does a great job of looking straight, don't you think? BSB will always be in my very hard poppy tarty heart.

A Missionary

I think I want to watch this movie. Ryan Gosling is a great guy and I've always thought he was perfect in The Notebook. Now he gets to play a crazy with a sex doll for a girlfriend? A sex doll who's a ... missionary. Only the dumdums will never get the joke. Sources say it's Oscar material. Edgy. Me likey.

At any rate, this movie features a "Real Doll". These dolls are supposedly the closest thing to real - not your run-of-the-mill blow up dolls. Fact: on their site, one of the dolls is called Nika. Nika is an Asian type Real Doll. Don't look at me, they created the site.

Click here to go to the Real Doll website and get your kicks on. Don't thank me, sickos.

Headline Porn

Damn, but that is a whole lot of feces.

I bet American Standard toilet bowls are making a killing right now. I love those things. They are the bomb - manual labor to the limit. One pail of water and it allll goes away. You don't get to be a chicken and look away while your crap disappears. You have to look down and watch what you've created in the last few minutes. American Standard is for people with guts.

I couldn't find a picture, more's the pity. It's like a porcelain hole-in-the-ground. Not Filipino? I don't think you can relate.

Home for the Holiday

Mom's roses

Eidl'l Fitr was officially my first holiday!

Yeah. Spent it with the fam and all. I needed the fresh air, because life in La Sugbu is a horrible mix of noxious gases. No one wants to walk anymore, and everyone stays indoors with the a/c on full blast. Cars, trucks and jeepneys give off smoke emissions so black, it's like trying to inhale while standing in front of a factory pipe going full blast. Change your oil, you fucking cheapskates! Ugh already. To top it all off, everyone here smokes. Six year old kids in the corner with no pants are smoking. Disgusting old men smoke. Carpenters smoke. Call center agents smoke. I don't understand it. We're teetering on the brink of bankruptcy and we still have enough money to buy cigarettes? What morons. I wouldn't be surprised if someone has plans to Hiroshima/Nagasaki us to kingdom come.

Ahem. Anyway.

Moving along, the trip home wasn't too bad. Mother has taken to puttering around the house and planting like there's no tomorrow. I never knew she was such a green thumb. She says she talks to her plants (she swears it makes her daisies perk up). I've heard of people talking to plants and stuff, but this is my mother. Whatever floats her boat... have to say whatever it is she's doing to the those plants, it's working. The place is blooming and verdant. I also got a chance to hang out with my brothers, who are growing like weeds (I guess my mom talks to them too - if screaming in frustration counts). Oh, and Nikki the niece is tottering all over the place and putting everything she can reach in her mouth. Luke, the youngest, has just discovered the joys of Friendster. Quelle horreur! Oh, no. It's happening already. He will fall victim to the great unwashed who love the "testi". Anyway, a good time was had by all.

So now, I'm back and the grind begins anew. It really is a grind. I can't believe I haven't blogged in over a week.

V for Victory

Manny P. won the rumble in the jungle... err... will to win! Against Marco Antonio Barrera. In Vegas. Yesterday. I care because he's a cultural icon. Boxing is Philippine escapism. And I love Manny because he's a hot ho rumored to have bought Ara Mina a house and that's not a bad rags-to-riches story from a GenSan boy.

And I left my celly at home, charging. Curses! I can't give this out as Headline Porn!

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Will someone please, please, please get a picture of this and send it to me? Because the moment will fade and I can't stand knowing time has passed me by. I'm raving, I know. I have to sleep.

UPDATE: Pic Added. Finally. (10-16-07)

I Wonder if I'll...

For Illi

Headline Porn

Got a glimpse of this on GMA's Weekend Report, so I had to check it out. The interweb has been showing crazy stuff lately. Damn, is it Pick on Pinoy Week or something? Harsh. Not sure if I believe the comments on this one, but this went out on the Jon Stewart show sometime last August. Had to do with "Is America Ready for a Woman President" or some such. See, this confirms it. The bigwigs of the country are digging stuff up so we can shift our focus from current corruption hoohahs!

Poor Cory. She goes to church a lot. Woman didn't pray her knees raw just to be Perez-ised on the Jon Stewart Show... if it makes it any better, they did the same to Indira Gandhi and Margaret Thatcher. Prime company, that. And some comments say they wouldn't have minded it so much if the picture used had been of her daughter, Kris.


HAHAHAHAH! Oh, snap! Don't hate, you know he has a point.

Dom's post reminded me I've been neglecting my duties as purveyor of Headline Porn™. I do still look around for lurid stuff, but nothing's been lurid enough to qualify. Still, this is hot enough, so consider this your Headline Porn of the day.

Another Day, Another Kick in the Face

"... diplomas, just to make sure they're not from some med school in the Philippines."

And the craziness begins. As usual, they're shooting the messenger, and I'm seeing "kill Teri," "die, Teri," "kapal ng mukha mo Teri" all over the place. Get the blame straight already. It was a script not an adlib, and the woman is working her bony ass off for the money so she will obviously say what the script tells her to say. Why would she care if she relegates the level of perception for Philippine medical education to the trash bin?

Maybe they could've just thought up any old country? Maybe they thought of the Philippines first rather than say, Timbuktu or Bangladesh or I don't know, any old country in the United Nations. Maybe they were poking at a map with their eyes closed to decide which country to make famous. *Point* Oh okay! Let's do Philippines!

Here's a thought. Maybe the bigwigs wrote the DH scriptwriters to make Teri spout this because they needed something to get the attention off the sordid happenings and shady deals that're crawling out of the woodwork lately. *cough* Senate Hearing! *cough* Broadband Deal! *cough*

Note to the great witch doctors of Siquijor: if you're going to do the whole voodoo black magic thing, hex/curse/pincushion the writers of the show.

Apparently, ABC has already issued the required mea culpa. Yeah, they tore their clothes, put ashes in their hair, fasted for a week and offered free copies of Season One to every Filipino in the land. Anyway, I watched the clip and didn't find it funny at all. I don't watch Desperate Housewives, and if this is any indication of what they find funny, I don't think I ever will. You know what I do find funny? This.

"... [Filipinos should be depicted as] prominent, positive role models."
- Kevin Nadal, Fil-American college lecturer, founder of online petition against DH

Positive? Oh, please. We all know our uplifting legacy also includes slave labor, mail order brides and illegal immigration, no matter how much you want to forget it.

See, this is the thing about Filipinos. We disparage ourselves left and right, and laugh out loud at our own ridiculousness. But it's kinda like our mothers. We can disparage our own mother, but if someone else does... talk about the mother(land) that way and boom! It's your ass, buddy.

This may actually be our defining moment because the moment you actually get Filipinos all around the globe mobilized, the world will come to a standstill. That's because we are (arguably) the hidden parts that makes the watch tick, keeps it going strong. Yes, we do the dirty jobs, the ones you want to forget need to be done. We wipe your dirty behinds, we sing you to sleep while you wait to die. We mop up your messes and fix your computers over the phone. We answer every idiotic question you have, listen to your tantrums and marvel at the sheer craziness of a nation that currently calls itself the top first world country.

Thing is, I don't think it's going to happen. I believe we're pretty numb to the whole thing. We've already been defined as "maids" and not much has been done about it. Besides, this is all about clout. It's not like we own nuclear warheads, or have a vast unfathomable vat of oil somewhere in the islands of Palawan. All we can do is place our hands on our hips and wag our finger at America. Make that two fingers. Oh yeah, you're gonna get it now! Bad America! Bad, bad America! So... yeah. It's not gonna do any good. Unless we get together and go on a timed national strike at the exact same time so they'll realize what they're really up against. Not really holding my breath on this one.

Aware, Much?

Hey, it's Customer Service Awareness Week worldwide! Yes, the fun ends on Friday (or Saturday, since that's usually the official weekender) but I'm sure no one gives a moldy old fart. Only the call centers and all the places that make a living providing good old customer care are whooping it up because yay, if no one will celebrate us, then we damn well will celebrate ourselves!

I think it makes sense because people are generally selfish and don't give an eff. As long as they get what they want, they'll forget that you ever helped them out or stuck it out through their momentary lapse into total stupidity. I've over two years experience with this, and seriously, longevity is hard to maintain when you're dealing with idiocy 24/7. I'm not knocking the dimbulbs, they're my bread and butter after all, but would it be too much to ask for a little bit of sanity in this crazy world? Don't people know how to read anymore, and are there any other excuses besides "your website sucks and it's so complicated?" Oh, right... there's "... but I booked it for Saturday!"

Whine, whine, whine. Blame, blame, blame. Only about 10% of people who call for help actually admit their own culpability. Another 15% are within their rights to be upset. The remaining 75% are whiney, tight-fisted, annoyingly demanding members of the human race who believe it is their God-given right to be in the right because hey, it's their money and it's not their fault they left their bloody airplane ticket at home, why should I bother to read the details? Okay, Mr. Smith. It's your money and your credit card, but try not to be a moron and be sure to read everything before you hit that "Pay Now" key, okay? Oh and Mrs. Jones? You yelling at me is not going to solve your problem. If you're too cheap to shell out a few extra dollars for a better place to stay, it's not my fault you're stuck in a dingy, cockroach-infested hump-n-pump. You get the full $39 you paid for, so suck it up. You haven't done shithole until you've done some select third-world wonders.

People keep asking why customer service seems to be dying out. True, it wasn't what it used to be. Since we insist on paying as little as we can to get as much as we can, it's not surprising. It gets compounded because they act all snotty and shit. To get some respect you have to earn it, and behaving like a petulant ass to the person who has the power to help you or to refuse help is not the best way to get on that person's good side.

That's right, we're celebrating how important our jobs are because we play a vital role in saving customers from themselves! Confetti, bitches. Confetti! We're saving the world a phone call at a time.

Ch ch ch ch changes

I haven't blogged for the longest time and I have a legit excuse. Yours truly is now a T-R-A-I-N-E-R, bitches! Yeah, I got me a promotion! I'm not president of this country yet but hey I gotta start somewhere, right? I'm sure I'm not the only one who's ever gotten a leg up on things, but for me this is a major thing especially since I'm known for not wanting to step out of my comfort zone. So pop that effing champagne already! I like the baaaaartenderrrrr *sings*

Today was my first and it was good. Always nice to start things off nicely. I'm still in the adjustment phase so I will probably mess up and all that. At any rate, I'm excited for everything else to come. It's nice to finally be able to do something different after two years of non-stop sameness. Took quite a few pix during a camwhorational moment and I'll be posting that up as soon as I get copies. They've outlawed Bluetooth on computers at work and my little phone's storage space stinks. So.... yes. I will definitely bug Jetty pooh to mail me the pictures.

Beauty is a Pain

I went and got my eyebrows threaded the other day, for the first time in my natural born life. My roommate said it didn't hurt, that it tickled. Lies! It hurt like a bitch. It's like pulling out your own pubes by clumps! I had no idea what I was in for. Sob.

Threading, according to my trusty Google:

Threading is a proven age-old form of facial hair removal practiced in India, China and Middle East. The procedure uses a 100% cotton thread which is twisted and pulled along the skin surface of unwanted hair, lifting hair directly from the follicle. As the facial hair is removed, only a slight pinch is felt.

A slight pinch? Slight?!?! The lady to my right getting her hair re-bonded was laughing. Laughing. That salon was a torture chamber for all of fifteen minutes. Look at the redness afterwards. I had to take a picture, it was excruciating.


I think she did a pretty good job but I'm not sure I want to do this again. It beats plucking because it's all over after a few, but God, the pain. Why do women do this to themselves. I will never understand why we're supposed to be the hairless, perfectly coiffed and scented ones... all we did was offer Adam that darned apple. This punishment, and having to give birth as well? Unfair.

Old Farts

Okay, now we know they really are serious about it. The Sex and the City Movie is coming to a theater near you in 2008! Yeah, unless they change their minds and decide to go straight to DVD. This will probably be one of those summer "blockbuster" things... Carrie Bradshaw will suddenly reveal herself as a fashionable spy and Mugatu's henchwoman. Right. I'm raving.

Here's SJP and Chris Noth from what is supposed to be the first publicity still from the SATC movie. Hmm. The magic doesn't seem to be there - that Eiffel Tower handbag looks like a heavy weapon for potential burglars. And the getup looks like it's trying too hard. Age is a bitch. I don't like.

I still think it's too late for resuscitation and has a 70% chance of being a flop, but hey those ladies need to make a living! More money for La Prairie cosmetiques and dead baby enzymes for youthfulness.

All that aside, I really did love the show, so I will probably watch this thing even if it's a mess.

Fruits and Fruits

Look at all that beauty. Lansones, biznatches. 'Tis the season! Get yours while you can!

All week I did nothing but buy bags of this, eating it until my fingers turned brown and smelled like tree sap. I look like a nicotine freak. Yes, yes, I know. Not supposed to be pigging out, but this is Vitamin C and non-fat! Good, guiltless fun. Err, I think. How many calories does this fruit have, anyway?

Fruit is good carbs and blah blah blah, whatever, it's just nice to take something home that's sweet and eat it and not feel guilty. This is my current snack of choice. Yay, lansones.

There's this legend about the fruit, how they used to be really poisonous until a good fairy came down and pinched the fruit. It made the fruit go sweet, the townspeople happy, and explains why everytime you open up the fruit there are pinch marks inside. Say what you want about Filipinos, we've come up with some pretty damn good notions of why things are the way they are.

Speaking of fruits, guess who just got himself a pass to visit all the countries on the map to the right?

Chucky.

That's fifteen countries - Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Iceland, Italy, Greece, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain and Sweden. Watch out, Mykonos! Chucky will infiltrate and be infiltrated! Err... yeah! He'll take pictures, of course.

Aargh!!! I'm so damn jealous! I'm so happy for that ho, and so frigging jealous for myself! Grrrrrrr! At this rate I'll be the proxy person who gets left behind to man the fort. Illi left, then Georgie left, now Chucky is leaving! How can I be the token fag hag if I'm all alone? I'm so angry right now. I refuse this responsibility. Keep your keys to the Philippines. My passport seriously needs some action. The thing just sits on its side, not getting any stamp love. Anybody want to buy me a ticket to somewhere? Timbuktu, anything. I'll go.

Flooch

Hmm. Businessmen are so silly. You know he was loving the Carter briefs and the Johnson's baby oil. I think everyday life is now so bizarre, we end up looking for crazier ways to have fun.

If I had that much money I'd spend my time taking pictures of myself fronting various attractions of the modern world. Happily watching some crappy stripper boys would be the last thing on my mind.

Headline Porn

You know, this one is wrong on so many levels. I can't even begin. Couldn't help the bizarre giggle that escaped though. Oh, please. You know you did it too.

Show and Tell

Flashbulbs, glitz and glamour! Check out Elleser Galleta, up and coming NYC photographer esquire and his new show, if you're in NYC from September 30 - October 13, 2007. Let's give this girl some love, because he is one of the most talented and driven people I have ever had the pleasure to be with. I'm especially proud of him for coming so far. You know I've always believed in you, boyfriend.

Free cheese cubes and flutes of Dom Perignon!

You know our fates were intertwined the moment you brought that darned Encyclopedia to biology class, Ill. I'm proud of you.

Click here.

Excuses and Alibis

Where have I been, you ask? Partying! AHAHAHAHAHAAH! So.. uh.. yeah. Right, that and vork, vork, vork. Anyway! Here's evidence of the party that went down last week:


Yeah. The children of the ... um... the children. Partying. Like there was no tomorrow. Big props to my sweet i-stateside cousin Mariel for picking out my top. This was VicFel's going away party (that's the girl wearing a silver cherry pendant right next to moi) and everyone wanted to make sure he knew what the heck he was leaving behind when he jumps on that darned bus.

And there's Chuck and me, feeding the camwhorational frenzy, as usual. Had a great time that night, didn't spend a single red cent. It's always nice when someone else picks up the tab.

This week left me way too exhausted to even go online anymore. But all that has passed and your Main Wagger™ is back. Again. For I don't really know how long... hey it's not like I'm paid to come on here and write... okay people, that's a hint. Yes, I'm a starving artiste - I like money too.

I gotta get me a PayPal account. *toddles off*

A Headline Porn Eraption

See Erap. See Erap go to court. See Erap convicted. Looks like he finally got the roughest end of the shittiest shit stick. Yes, it's justice. Still, it feels like we kicked a dog when it was down. I suppose we should remind him not to pick up the soap... I'm not going into details about his story because I already wrote about it. Buy your weekly copy of MetroPost, you cheapskates! We need to feel the love.

Not in Dumaguete? You guys know where to look for more details.

Mascot Porn

Here's dorm-ho VicFel giving the hotness that is Will Devaughn the kissy-kissy. I count this as porn - technically Will Devaughn shills for McDonalds, so he's a mascot. I know. Grasping at straws. Slow news week.

Cheeseballs and Hokum

Backstreet Boys - Anywhere for You

Because I can, biznatches. Because I can.

Blah

Other than the Manny sighting, this week has been blah. I got myself published in yesterday's Cebu Daily News, but it's been a slow news week. Even Ang Playboy has failed to cheer me up and no Headline Porn™ in sight.

The one bright - if you can call it that - spot in this week is my accidental hot pot inferno. I can't find a picture of what I had on the interweb so if you're not Filipino or you haven't been here and lived in a dorm you won't know what it looks like. Basically it's cheap and you plug it in and put water in it and it boils. Great for cooking instant noodles.



Anyway I'd filled it halfway with oil so I could deep fry some shrimp tempura as lunch, and ended up leaving it alone too long. When I got back, the whole thing was smoking and smelled like burnt plastic. Hmm. Then I took the cover off and then this weird *pop* happened, and the whole pot was engulfed in flames. Apparently the oil inside was too hot.

Made in China!

Oh, well. I know, I know, shouldn't have used it to fry things.. blah blah blah...

I think I'll just buy myself a new one. You can't be Pinoy and live away from home if you don't own a hot pot. Made in China. P135 at your local UniTop.

Celebrity Sighting, 01

Pacquiao sighting alert! I saw Manny P. yesterday. He was jogging past all by his lonesome, rocking some hardcore grey sweats - couldn't tell if it was No Fear Gear (which he hawks, endlessly) and a knit cap. First thought: wow, I'm looking at a famous person. Second thought: man, he's tiny. Third thought: where are his bodyguards and the paparazzi?

I couldn't get his picture, so short of running after him in turquoise slingback heels screaming "Manny! I want your picture!" I decided to take a picture of where he passed. Because, y'know, it's for posterity. I know. I'm a freak.

I guess it's a good thing Abby and I happened to be doing a breakfast at IT Park (I haven't seen that girl in ages. She got thinner. Curses!).

So yes, the newsbits are true and Manny's in La Sugbu doing his daily morning workouts in IT Park. Except he's going back to the US - his coach keeps bitching about rabid fans taking pictures and stuff. Well what did he expect? This is La Sugbu, people here love to gawk, gawk, gawk. Plus, his ward is the Princess Di of Philippine boxing, for crying out loud.

Headline Porn

For the first time in recent memory Ang Playboy disappoints me. Not good enough, Ang Playboy! How can this be the only thing worth showing on your front page? Did everyone go on a belated leave? What kind of shizz is this? Big round of boo.

I guess the gods have merited today as a good news day:

Had to snap this. It's today's headline - look at the look on our homegirl Gloria's face. Priceless! She is totally slapping that graph in the faces of her detractors. I love it. I should probably ride this wave and buy things online left and right before the dollar stops taking such a nosedive.

Mascot Porn at Mickey D's

The second time around! Love is a many-splendored thing. That's me sitting on the pride and joy of McDonald's. Mimes are so hot. Look at Ronnie making his nasty face - you know he likes what I'm doing to him.

Um... Maybe?

Presenting Miss Britney Spears, trainwreck extraordinaire! Her life is a mess, but I like the new song that's out - posting it on here with much thanks to Breatheheavy.com. According to them it's not clear yet whether or not this will be her carrier hit single. At any rate, it's out so hit that play button for Gimme More - Britney Spears if you love yourself some pop.

Dance, Dance, Dance

Mein Gott, this is precious. Gave me defined ab muscles for all of five minutes, I was laughing so hard - I think everyone in my suki internet cafe now thinks I'm nuts. You need to view this from beginning to end. Grabbed from the crazies over at Nakanampucha! this is apparently a Filipina at some Fil-German party doing the entertaining thing. It warms my heart, especially when she just suddenly disappears at 2:39 and 3:10. AHAHAHAHAHAH! You can't stop that woman! She is an unstoppable juggernaut of the splits. Keep that Filipino pride alive!

Reminds me of a time when Chucky said he went to a gay bar in Manila, and this gay boy kept cartwheeling around and doing the splits, screaming "Japan!" everytime he hit the floor. Is this what I need to do just to get out of the country? Damn, my gramma has better moves than that.

I know, I know, I'm suffering from bloggorhea - I haven't gone online for the past few days and I'm keeping my fix alive. This is my last entry for the day, promise.

World Peace

Here's Miss South Carolina doing her best to screw up her chances for the crown of Miss Teen USA 2007. She's the internet's latest and greatest celebrity, and (arguably) a national embarassment.

Please, bitches. If you think her answer was worth all the public pillory, you really haven't been to the Philippines.

We've got "... representing the Engineering Building!" classic as a contender. That's got to beat all. Then there's Melanie Marquez's "my long legged legs" winning answer.

My internet sources tell me this is the full and direct quote:

“No, of course no, because I am proud and contented with my long-legged.”

- Melanie Marquez, in answer to whether or not she would insure her legs for a million bucks like Angie Dickinson did

We are the land of beauty pageants. Miss Gay Purok Lawa-an anyone? Mr. and Miss Kindergarten! We beauty pageantize everything we see! It's a cottage industry for the gays and the gay make-up artists and the bad costureras with sequins and taffeta. As such, we have had more of "I truly believe and I really strongly believe" in one month than all the first world countries put together can come up with in a year. And crazy answers like Miss South Carolina's are a dime a dozen.

Sadly, none of our own beauty pageant moments are captured to satisfy our voracious internet appetites (I haven't found any yet, anyway). So here's yet another ridiculous clip from a non-Filipino pageant night - this has got to be total genius. From the rocky shores of Hawaii to the beautiful sandy beaches of... Hawaii. What a winner.

Dead on Arrival

AHAHAHAHAH! This new dose of Headline Porn™ is a breath of fresh air in the PR-infested world of Philippine reviews.

Alright, fine, I haven't heard any of their new songs yet (and I don't intend to) but it's refreshing to see this in print - you know it's true of most of the uninspired Pinoy musical bilge that pollutes airwaves. Nothing like down-home, true-blue Cebuano to get the point across.

Truth in advertising. Hardcore honesty, y'all.

I lav et.

Always Something There to Remind Me

Collectors items! I just thought the general public would like to know where all the 3 1/2 floppy disks went. I found these moldering away in a store window in the middle of God-knows-where, Mandaue City.

These mothers used to store all my school assignments and shizz. I felt so good and techy carrying them around in vibrant colors, yellow, pink and the like... and they used to cost a pretty penny and took forever to load up. The times, they are a-changing. Wait, no, they have a-changed. Fossils! Load the time capsule Scotty!

Yummy

Mmm. The latest in haute cuisine hits Dumaguete! Oh, the yumminess. Grab your napkins and use it for a bib. Dig in, and enjoy.

Scot-Free

Look at these beauties and their mugshots. Lovely. And to think just a year ago everyone was crazy over Paris Hilton's excruciatingly dumb single Stars are Blind. Blech.

I don't understand celebrity justice.

Nicole Richie, famously busted for driving under the influence, and generally being a drug-riddled, albeit fashionable, excuse for humanity gets in jail for less than a day (82 minutes, to be exact) and that's considered punishment? On the basis of what, exactly? Because she's pregnant? Because she's a celebrity and would probably end up dead in jail? Shouldn't she have thought about that BEFORE getting all high and driving down the street the wrong way?

And Lindsay Lohan is going to get a measly day in jail for repeatedly getting caught with coke up her nose and her hands on a steering wheel. This girl has been caught on camera numerous times, the proof is there, and she gets off with a slap on the wrist? Why? Because she's issued a public mea culpa admitting to being an addicted coke-whore? What did this girl do, blow all the right people?

<- (Here's little Linds, stoned out of her damned mind, courtesy of X17.com.)

Paris Hilton must be so furious for not being able to blow enough people and ending up with 23 days in the clink.

I just don't get how such a flagrant display of avoiding public justice can go over easy in a country that holds their justice system up high. Who do they think they are, the Philippines?

Yay

It's great to be home and chillin with the homies. There's something about your hometown, I suppose. There really is something about Dumaguete. Can't hate it, no matter how backward it can seem sometimes. It's in the air, the water, the earth. The shops. The places to eat. It's the comfort of home. It's so good to be back.

Omg I have so much new material to post up, but my darned bluetooth thingy is sitting at the bottom of my other bag at home. Grr. Will post up stuff as soon as I can. Sorry, no headline porn today.

The Singing Frog

I'm back in Dumaguete for some R-n-R, and to take in the sights. It's Founder's Week, bitches! It's good to be back with La Famiglia again. I got into a discussion with my bros about crazy Looney Tunes cartoons. Today's stuff has nothing on the classics.

I leave you with Michigan J. Frog - performer extraordinaire. Good times. Ay lav et.

Headline Porn

See, this is why guys really should feel more love for the trusty rubber. There's no excuse for not being able to afford a cheap-ass PhP20 packet of Trust Condoms. You never know what hormones do to pregnant women.