Friday, June 29

Headline Porn

Nothing like good old gunplay to break up the monotony. You pee, you die. Dem ghettoes don't got nuthin' on us. We're the real thang, bruthas. Peace.

Big and bold. God, I love me some SunStar Super Balita. Nothing like having text like this pop out at you just when you think all's well with the world. *Sigh*. You guys warm my heart. Ay lav et!

Till Death Do Us Part

What in the eff. On Friendster?! They really are plumbing new depths.

That's right, ladies. Snap up your willing, geriatric man in a wheelchair and live the dream. Viva America! Land of a bajillion needy old men who need Asian women to push their wheelchairs and generally make them feel good about themselves (hey dude, you rock, you're banging an Asian!). This is guaranteed to just make our girls come swarming down the mountainside ready and willing to show some cleavage in some godforsaken internet cafe.

This is so frigging offensive. Why on Friendster? Fine, Filipinos inhabit that site, but why put this? Why stop there? Why not an editorialized, photo-shopped Filipina with dollar signs all cha-chingy in her eyes? Because you know that's what we're all about. It's the only thing we're about. To pry your precious greenbacks out of your spotted, aging hands and use your pension when you're dead.

United American Tiki-Tiki

I love archives.

Looky looky what I found!

Um, mom? I really don't think those vitamins worked for me.

*those are my brothers, Matthew and Luke

Too Late?

God, look at them. Hot bitches to the extreme. I remember loving the platform shoes, the attitude and the outfits.

So the Spice Girls reunited yesterday to make an announcement about a greatest hits world tour they're doing together. Why? Why now? I loved them like any crazy high-school girl would, but seriously. All of them have kids, crazy autobiographies and solo albums. They haven't moved on. I still remember Rochelle and someone (was it Sheryl E?) arguing about how Victoria sings one line of 2Become1 differently in the video and on tape. Like it was so important. LOL. High school is just ridiculous.

Well, this one remains to be seen. They ruled the late nineties. Will they rule the late 2Ks as well? Here's hoping the new millennium will be kind. Still, I really don't see the point anymore. Can you see them stomping around screaming "Girl Power!" in six-inch white platforms now that they're over thirty? Seriously.

Sunday, June 24

Doing a Britney

So I went and chopped off a third of my hair. The scissor-wielding gay hairdresser obviously hates me because now I look like shit. He wasn't supposed to lop off so much. I want to bury my head in my hands and weep. In fact, I think I'm going to do it right now.

I don't know why I did it. Boredom, I suppose. I wanted to do something new. Maybe after two years of having the same hair, I wanted to know what I'd look like with something else. All I know is I'm never, EVER doing it again. I can't wait for all this to grow back.

End of an Era

It's done. I go back to taking calls tonight. So I shall put up some in memoriam pictures - because I really did have fun being a mentor with these guys.

Moi, Kristine - the sweet, nice one, and Jay Anne - the outspoken one.

That's Borj and me. He loves that pic - calls it "the perfect couple" and is currently using it as his celly's wallpaper.Jay Anne, me and Paulo (the softspoken one). In the backseat of Kristine's car, on the way to Mickey D's.

I can't believe I'm smiling in each and every picture. I really should get another signature pose. But I will miss those biatches. They made life fun for the past month.

Saturday, June 16

Do they even realize?

Chicken just the way I like it. Bludgeoned to death, poor thing. Bought it for PhP 16.00/drumstick. Tasted pretty damn good, if you ask me. No, really. I liked it.

Shopping with Dr. Seuss

So, interesting stuff caught my eye while I was shopping for a knife two weeks ago at UniTop while back in good old Dumaguete City. You gotta love UniTop - where else can you buy a perfectly sharp and handy kitchen knife for PhP 6.00? Cheapest store on earth. Arguably, it's replaced Tops and Bottoms on the bargain hotlist.

You can buy bulbs for PhP 10.00 ($0.22), among other good stuff like DVD players that will play everything but the kitchen sink for PhP 1,879.99 ($40.76)! I love the third world, seriously. I'm going to move abroad and shop for things in the Philippines so I can ship them over to my new home. Well, maybe not the plasma TV. Just the cutlery. And the fake paintings.

At any rate, as I was saying, these rare... uh... finds caught my eye:

Hmmm. Let's play spot the fake tits.

Hey, you get what you pay for, right? I love how they rip-off everything, right down to the cat jumping through a white number nine. The cunning way they place "Triple-Action" on that box of toothpaste takes my breath away. Everything but the name. Viva China and its sweatshops. You'd never get anything on the cheap without them! To the best of my knowledge, Colgate has never put ginger root in their toothpaste. Why would anyone want to brush with ginger root...? Oh right, triple-action. Maybe I can use it when I'm cooking and I'm out of ginger? Bad joke, I'm tired. I love how it sits right on top of some obscure Chinese toothpaste with tea in it. Just pass me the Maxam already. I'd take that over this shameless display of copyright infringement any day. I fear for the gums of the general public.

Ah, well.

Sunday, June 10

Just Remembered

AHAHAHAHAH! I forgot this even existed! Is that Aaron Carter? LOL! Hold up that lighter and wave it in the air, bitches. What with Paris Hilton coming in and out and into jail again (God bless America) and everything else, we all need a little love in our hearts. Cough. I'm sure. God, I love the nineties.

Thursday, June 7


I loved Thundercats back in the day. Cheesy violence, running cats, eye-makeup. Whee! Thundercats, ho! Now they're making a movie about Thundercats? It's a cartoon! The premise is horrible for crying out loud. Catty people go to some earth-like planet to fight Mumm-Ra, a horrible, evil mummy. Hollywood and the great big brain drain. Where's the originality anymore. Who're they going to pick to star in this stinker? Tom Cruise as Cheetara. Samuel L. Jackson as Lion-O. Michael Jackson as Mumm-Ra. This is going to be sooooooo good. *Cough* Can't wait for the pantyhose and striped buttcheeks.

In other news, word on the street has it that He-Man has been optioned as well. Apparently, they're going to shoot it the way 300 was shot. Hmm. Maybe. Only if they bring in his sister She-ra and her winged unicorn! I wanted to be She-ra so bad. Look at that outfit. And that crown. Flowers, a good kind heart, and a flying unicorn! Stardust, sequins, princess of power! It's my inner fag, I just know it. Manifesting itself when I was but seven.

This whole movie thing is just ridiculous. He-man? Thundercats? How in heck are they going to pull this all off, I wonder. I'll scoff now but if the trailers rock, maybe I'll watch it. Maybe not. Why can't they just leave classics alone? Up next, a Captain Planet movie? Teenagers with elemental rings, Captain Planet in a green thong, flying around picking up garbage. Shaking hands with Leonardo di Caprio. Driving a hybrid electric car into the sunset. You know you love it.

Tuesday, June 5


Here's Robert Downey, Jr. holding up a prototype of a mask from his upcoming movie. He plays Iron Man. I don't exactly know much about it but I suppose my brothers will be happy to know he does sport a 'stache - apparently Iron Man's real life alter-ego Tony Stark has a bit of it. Now you know. Next!

Photo from

Saturday, June 2

They really should charge for this

So on my way home from yesterday's supermarket foray, I got treated to a pseudo-porno show on the skywalk. Whoop de doo.

You know how you see these kids running around selling sampaguitas on a string looking pitiful and dirt-streaked? Chuck and I always end up asking how they get made. God I never should've asked because the universe just showed me how.

They do it like normal people. Except they do it on skywalks. At around two in the frigging afternoon. (That's broad daylight, for those not in the loop). No they weren't banging each other (not yet anyway), they were lying sideways, frenching. They know how to open-kiss! Utter grossness. How can these people be allowed to procreate? Aren't there enough mendicants in the world? Chuck and I have decided to rid the world of these by having a downtown rampage. With shotguns. "Oh look, another one!" *BLAM*

I should've taken a pic but stupid me left my phone at home, charging. *Bangs head on wall* I should've brought it! Dammit.

In other news, I'm moseying on home to see la famiglia - haven't seen the folks in two months. So, yeah. This should be fun. Dumaguete in the summer time... the weather is fine... fresh air for a while.