Wednesday, May 30

Plastic Money, Plastic Future

I haven't blogged in forever, and it's not because I've been lazy.

I've been broke. Dancing on tables just isn't lucrative anymore. *catches Alex's dirty look* Okay, okay, fine. The truth is, I've overspent and gotten spoiled because plastic is fantastic. So I've decided to get back to basics and give my lovely logos a rest because they're melting at the speed of swipe.

It's easy to splurge when you've money to burn. Thing is, one forgets it's money one doesn't have yet. I don't want to spend the next ten years paying for a splurge-happy 2007, so really, I think it's best to get back on track and rediscover what it's like paying for things in cold hard cash because I seem to have forgotten. Best nip it in the bud before it's too late.

Credit cards are the very devil. But God they're so sweet. They're like crack. Hard to beat. But I... shall... prevail... or bust.

Monday, May 21

Subliminally Yours

How to raise the whores and sex freaks of tomorrow 101. Taken at the Smokey's hotdog stand in Ayala Cinemas. Sex does sell, indeedy it does. This thing has my mouth salivating already. This is toeing it, really toeing it. Six inches? Exploding? In your mouth? Not being a prude, but Shrek 3 is showing! Children are flocking to the movies!


Here's the (formerly) lovely Heath Ledger looking all sorts of nasty - He plays The Joker in the upcoming Batman movie The Dark Knight. Hits theaters in '08, but you know they're amping up the hype as early as now. This movie is going to rock in a hideous way. I hate it and love it. What have they done to you, Heathie? I suppose he had to do something to get the gay cowboy stigma off his back. Yes, we're convinced, we're convinced! You're straight. (Something Jakey G hasn't been able to convince the masses of since).

photo courtesy of

Saturday, May 19

Pucker Up

So I went to Watson's the other day, needing more cotton squares. Browsed around, picking through the fun stuff, as usual - I love me my Watson's. It's my favoritest store. I walk into Watson's and I feel happy.

Anyway. At the cashier's, scoping out some magazines - "How to Get Your Man to Give You Everything You Want", Cosmo really should rethink their articles, it's the same shizz over and over - this lady comes up to me, gushing about my lip gloss. "Where'd you get it? What kind of gloss is it? What color?"

Inwardly, my system was going into overdrive. Ilad alert! Bleep! Ilad alert! I was glancing around surreptitiously to see if she had an accomplice ready to snatch my bag and run, clutching it to my side, making sure everything was closed and nothing could be stolen. Inching slowly away from her. Had to get my distance. Gauge where I could kick and scratch and inflict damage.

Outwardly, I was calm. Maybe all she really wanted was to know where I got my lip gloss. So I told her. I got the hell outta there as fast as I could after I told her, though.

In a city like this, you can't give people the benefit of the doubt.
It's a sad state of affairs when you just can't trust anyone but that's the way it goes. I learned my lesson the hard way, courtesy of a good for nothing hustler of an otap vendor. But that's another story.

Friday, May 18

Poor Thing

Inquirer bleats about Manny being sad and depressed. Well he should be, because right now he's getting his ass whipped but good in the polls. By a girl.


It says something about him mourning the loss of his cash. There, there, Manny. We still love you. You can always go slug it out with some other Mexican and we'll cheer you on. I told you, dude. There's only so much we can forgive. We haven't forgiven this:

Nor have we forgiven you for being the spokeswhore of Extreme Magic Sing. Damn you, Pacquiao why? Why? Why did you have to do this? This is what you get for coming home from a nice victory and immediately entering the political arena!

For a moment there I actually thought he would win. Why wouldn't I? We elected Erap, didn't we?

You know that sinking feeling you get? It's gut instinct. You know he's going to be back.

Thank you, God

Maybe we actually have some sense after all. Yes, yes. I'm daring to hope.

Apparently Richard Gomez is ready to accept defeat. Whoo! This is me doing a fist pump right now. Culkin-style, yeah! Time Magazine should make Filipinos the people of the year for actually having the sense to not vote for this guy. If he made it to public office, it'd have been the end of the world. Why'd he even bother running? If there's no business like show business, why do all these useless wastes of airtime even bother leaving?

"Siguro, dahil hindi naging maganda ‘yong naging pakita ng mga dating artistang pulitiko, apektado kaming lahat." - Richard Gomez

God, he just couldn't shut up and take it with a semblance of grace, could he. Blame, blame, blame. Not my fault I lost, if I hadn't been an independent candidate, and blah, blah, blah. And he's whining about being tarred with the same brush because he's an artista? Please. Is he surrounded by yes-men or something? I mean what could he possibly have brought to the political arena, other than being known for playing Ate Shawie's love interest. The decision to run was the stupidest thing he's ever done, IMHO. That goes for you too, Manny. Maybe now he can go back to modelling Bench underwear and leave us in peace.

Richard Gomez, ladies and gentlemen.

I knew I should've sold my $

There comes a time when you don't know if you should be happy or sad. That time is now.

Yay, Philippines!

Wave that pom-pom, bitches.

Wednesday, May 16

Manny finally gets his ass handed to him. By a girl.

It's too early to hope but stuff like this and this makes me smile.

Now I love me some Pacquiao but the guy really should stay in the ring. Boxing ring. He's as useless as a fork in a soup bowl when it comes to politics. And him being all kawayan about it just pissed me off. First he'll run, then he won't, then he runs. Sorry, dude. You can't be the greatest featherweight Filipino boxer and be a politician at the same time. It's one or the other and frankly, the idea of him in public office makes me shiver. It'll be a portent of the end of the world as we know it, and pave the way for the underqualified and over-exposed. Which does nothing as far as our government is concerned, considering the fact that we already have the underqualified and over-exposed to thank for fucking up even more.

So, yeah. And Richard Gomez being somewhere in the bottom of the polls is heartening - can it be? Could it be we've voted right this time around? It's still too early to hope. I'll dance around when the polls finally come home to momma. Ugh omg. Why is this blog so political?

Can't blame me for droning on. It's everywhere. I wake up to Arnold Clavio telling me who's leading in the polls. Oh yeah and he threw in the fact that last night the M/V Butuan - which is docked over here in La Sugbu - got blown up and two people died.
I know because I woke up at 5AM and like clockwork, the depression began. Thank you. Thanks for making my day a happy one, Clavio. Geez.

You know those sticks them guards use to poke around in your bag aren't doing a damn thing.

Tuesday, May 15

$200?! Cheapskate.

Laughed like crazy when I saw that Mark Lapid guy outed for the married man he is. Or was. Whatever, he said he was single. Hahahah! Busted! They’ll even sign their own fakery and swear to the Lord almighty that it’s the truth. Reading on, he's supposed to give $200 a month for child support? And she said yes? Girl is crazy. That's peanuts. She should've milked him for all he was worth so he'd have less to spend on election campaigning.

God, they have no shame. What else is new, they all lie. It’s the name of the political game. They give you the free antibiotics and the school supplies now when they need your one little vote, and when they win, whoops. No more free antibiotics people. Suffer until the next election.

Photo taken from


Some congressman-politico from some province got caught with sacks of rice he was allegedly giving away to would-be voters. There’s this lady gubernatorial candidate giving away free medicine. Yet another candidate was giving out school supplies at some rally that she “didn’t know anything about” which was crazy because she was right there in the thick of things holding a microphone. Clear as day. Caught on camera. GMA’s 24Oras keeps flashing the whole passage in the bylaws that state none of this should be happening, and Mike Enriquez is all tut-tut, shaking of the head. Then they give these pussy interviews with said people who of course play the denial game. “Oh no, I’ve been wanting to give them medicine for sooo long. These people are needy and need my love. Has nothing to do with politics. It’s not vote-buying at all.” Its bullshit. We know it, they know it, but we hate confrontation so we do innuendo instead. The wink-wink, poke-poke, nudge-nudge game. Why does no one ever really come out and just say it? You be doin dat vote-buyin shizz, dawg! Fo shizzle! Dayum. That shizz is wack!

Oh, English? Okay. You're buying votes, you pigs! Capitalist scum! Cheating bastards, may your pizzles rot!

Keeping it real. I’m keeping it real.

Ah, election. The fun never stops. They’re slinging that mud but good, aren’t they? Snide comments and general fingerpointing. I love the scratchy old footage they dug up on Erap in all his wristbanded glory, making the gambling rounds. Isn’t it great seeing him on the telly again? Exhorting us all to fight corruption, no less, when he’s supposed to be in jail for doing the very same thing he’s professing against. What in bloody hell. That man has some nerve. I love me some Erap, but the guy really should just let go. It’s over. They’re using you. Must’ve gotten some time-off from the pokey for being a good prisoner. Yes, because it’s so hard being imprisoned in a house where you can cook, watch TV and get visits from the hoity-toity. For all the issues I’ve got concerning Korea, at least they had the guts to hang their own higher-ups. We give ours a slap on the wrist and let them hang around and dabble in even more politics. Eh. And all we do is picket. Picket, picket. Wave poorly made signs. Mill around like aimless sheep with megaphones.

We have no balls.

It’s general nastiness all around. Anyone seen that commercial they did on the vice-mayor of Cebu? Hilarious. YouTube it sometime – they portray him as a puppet who’ll jump off the building at the current mayor’s request, and very thoughtfully include an animated shot of him falling to his death. Poor guy. He was on the news. Said it was a “low blow” and “unprofessional.” Blah, blah, blah. Here we go again with the non-confrontation. I want to see the hair pulling catfights, dammit! Fire and brimstone. Hair-pulling bitchfests!