Sunday, October 26

Mascot Porn™

Another gift from the gods! I have no idea who this person is, but I did get permission to use this. Can you feel the love in the room? Look at those glistening eyes. That sated smile. He has nothing but love for the ubiquitous mime after a night of passion. What a bottom. Ronald McDonald is totally saying "Yeah, that's how it is."


It's the end of the world as you know it.


Fertility! Hahahaha!

Fooled you. This is not by benefit of healthy sperm, much to your relief. I know Darwin actually shuddered when he saw this picture. It's simply a foreshadowing of what might be, with the help of Ellice's lucky travel pillow. Can you imagine? Of course it wasn't long before some of us had baby bump madness:


Behold, Miss Bugayong. She does look like such a pregnant lady in this one, doesn't she? Expectant and glowing. Such happiness. I saved the best for last, though:


Paulie, main pre-op princess of the tribe, gets in on the action. You're welcome.


File this under: When child actors grow up. Somehow it just seems wrong to see this guy's cleavage. Especially when he used to look like this:

It's Jonathan Lipnicki. The kid in Jerry Maguire and Stuart Little. Happy 18th.

Sasha Fierce?

Beyonce now wants to be called Sasha Fierce. I'm sorry, hasn't this song-and-dance has been done before? Jennifer Lopez - J.Lo. Mariah Carey - Mimi. Most proficiently by Puff Daddy, who ended up so confused about what he wants to be called, he changes his name every week.

Besides, Sasha Fierce is way too transsexual. Why would anyone want to be called that? She sounds like a drag queen.

This reminds me of Chucky's tip #57: How to Make Your Own Drag Queen Name.

1. Think of the name of a deceased pet.
2. Add the name of the street on which you live.
3. Voila!

Based on the above, my drag queen name would be Pam South Sea. Or technically I grew up in the Silliman Campus, so would that be Pam Campus? Not draggy enough. I used another road close to where I used to live.

I am... Pam Rovira.

Sunday, October 19

The Cure to Sadness

What is it with large people and falling on your ass? This stuff never gets old - I laughed so hard I nearly choked at this one.

Depressed? Lonely? Busy trying to hitch the hemp rope around your neck to your ceiling fan? Stop and press play. The world will be all right again.

Saturday, October 18

Smooth and Silky

Viva the mantyhose!

I know the ladyboys are crowing with delight. Gender equality! A new millennium! The age of mantyhose is dawning.

I'm all for innovation, but what would make a man want to wear pantyhose? I'd get it if he had excessive scarring and was incredibly vain. I believe the only time it's acceptable for a man to wear stockings is if it's on his head and he's robbing a bank.

True, they were the rage a long time ago - 14th century France, or some such. Men wore hose and white stockings. To war.

This takes the cake.

I'm not that comfortable with a lot of hair, but a nice delineation between the sexes is good for me, thank you. I thought they'd gone overboard with the female condom - guess I was wrong.

Want to get a gander at/buy/ogle/get mantyhose? Go here.

Thursday, October 9

Role Models

Caught a little Larry King Live earlier on CNN, and I have decided that Michelle Obama is my new hero. She's smart, savvy, calm under pressure, and she's a great dresser. I say vote Barack Obama! If a man like that can choose a woman like that, it shows he knows how to choose. I admire Michelle Obama for being different from Hilary Clinton, in that she doesn't seem politically hungry. She's just there for her man, but she has her own thing going on.

They keep comparing Barack Obama to JFK - the charisma, public speaking, it's like deja vu. True, the man is a sharp dresser and a great public speaker, but it's his wife who's got my attention ATM - she seems to be the complete anti-thesis of Jackie Kennedy. Yes, the Jackie-O lovers will probably stone me to death on this one, but she was more about looks, and anyone who's ok with a philandering husband loses points in my book. Michelle Obama looks like she won't put up with any sort of bullshit.

I can't wax too poetic since I've never been the most political person on earth - I could just be buying into the hype. Still, she certainly sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Way better than Sarah Palin, too.

When I grow up, I want to be Michelle Obama.

Mascot Porn

It's been forever since Mascot Porn's made an appearance. This is why I'm thanking the gods for my crazy cousin Chuck, who's been way too busy molesting various statues in the city of Berlin.

Here's a refreshing way to start your day:

Apparently the bear above is "Buddy Bear" - Berlin's official mascot. All the nations who have an embassy in Berlin sent their interpretation of what a Buddy Bear should look like, and each embassy has a Buddy Bear standing outside their building. Way to show one's respect, eh? Too much lovin' in the house.

One should never forget to take a nice big bite out of a nice big wiener. Yes, I'm leaving it at that. What can I say, it runs in the family. Send me your mascot porn pics so I can post them! Email me at with your name and a little explanation, and I'll help you have 15 seconds of fame.

Wednesday, October 8

It Gets Better

And so, I decided to take a peek at the banned products that have melamine in them - it's still ongoing. Damn China. I know they're committed to eradicating overpopulation, but this takes the cake. They are messing with Snickers, and that is just not right. M&Ms is on the watchlist, too. Ugh. I thought these things were "Made in America"? They're what comes to mind everytime I see a balikbayan box. Aren't these things supposed to be manufactured in the land of the free and the home of the brave? They are so busted right now.

I feel helpless, and this makes me angry. Messing with the chocolates is just not right. Now comes this piece of news: China uses recycled used condoms in rubber bands! Multi-tasking - if you're in a tight spot and you haven't got a condom, use the thing that holds up your ponytail:






Ewwwwwwww. Ewwwwwwwww. Ewwwwwww.
If they're intent on wiping out the rest of the known world with this craziness, they're certainly on the right track. Lead in toys. Tupperware in milk. Dirty condoms as hairbands? This is literally below the belt. They have an agenda, people. They have an agenda.

Monday, October 6

"Backtrax" and Other Stories from the Tube

I've been spending way too much time in front of the TV these days, because I know that Cinemax plays Superman II way too many times. Christopher Reeves is the total hotness, but all those awkward air fighting scenes always make me laugh till I choke on my pork rind. Also, why does Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman) have hair? He looks like he has a dead animal on his head.

They also played The Bourne Ultimatum the other day, which was good fun. Joan Allen has the part of icy blonde power-broker down pat (she did the same thing in Death Race). Of course dollops of steel-jawed Matt Damon don't hurt either.

Myx Music has this show I always enjoy. They call it Backtrax - all the songs played are late '90s... I was enjoying it until I realized they consider the songs from my high school years as "classics". This is a dead giveaway for age. The classics they played before were Michael Jackson pre-100th facelift, Madonna pre-Kabbalah, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer.

Now they're playing the songs from my youth. It's a kick in the proverbial arse, and a reminder that despite Botox injections, liposuction, breast augmentation and the two facelifts* I've had, I am an old crone. Eww.

* Projected surgery date: perhaps sometime in 2030

Saturday, October 4

Look Ma, No Hooves

It's a good thing I read Atonement before I watched Atonement. If I'd watched the movie version first, I might not have bothered finishing it. Or I would have finished it and sat there with a huge "huh?!" on my face.

I like intellectual films, but I prefer not having to think too hard. I'm there to be entertained, not to entertain myself. (I suppose that's lazy consumerism, but there you have it.)

Anyway - Atonement. Ian McEwan's novel allows you to form an attachment to his characters - either you like them at first read, or you hate them with a passion. I'm not sure if it's his goal to make us dislike the idealistic, self-righteous, stuck-up protagonist, but I hated her at first read.

It's a pretty simple story. Boy likes girl, sister gets jealous. Boy gives girl randy letter, is stupid enough to ask sister to give letter to girl. Sister reads randy letter, finds an excuse to blame boy for something he didn't commit. Boy and girl don't end up together. Flash-forward to ten years later, boy and girl hate girl's sister. Girl's sister feels bad. Writes novel. Calls it Atonement.

If Ian McEwan didn't have the way he has with words, it would've been akin to a Dick and Jane book. As it is, he writes like a poet. Flowery, verbose, highfalutin. It makes the novel a haunting expose. A haunting expose that actually makes its way onto the silver screen pretty much intact; the movie is astonishingly faithful to the book, which was a pleasant surprise for me. It's a worthwhile movie and James McAvoy is in it.

Everytime I see James McAvoy I get reminded of Mr. Tumnus in the first Narnia movie (he played the faun). I keep wondering when I'll overcome that particular aspect. He was such a badass in Wanted, but I kept seeing goat feet and the fur on his chest.

Thursday, October 2

From the heart

Underneath - Alanis Morrisette

Alanis Morissette should get broken up with more often. I know that sucks and is a cruel thing to say, but it makes her write good music. Then again, is it all seen in a new light because her ex-fiance married Scarlett Johansson? I'd be depressed, too. Maybe I'd spend some time kissing my toilet seat, crying in a corner and chugging down some cheap-ass Antonov vodka. Yeah I'd punish myself too if I let someone like Ryan Reynolds go, and realize he did the rebound thing with a blonde, pouty-lipped owner of double D's.

Then I'd get up and release a new album called Flavors of Entanglement. I like that title. It stands out, like Jagged Little Pill did. None of that Under Rug Swept madness.

This came out a couple months ago but I only just uploaded it today. Mnemosyne must be fed.

This is the New Bond theme?

I thought Madonna had killed the Bond theme forever with her oeuvre for Die Another Day, but this is ridiculous. I love me some Alicia Keys, but this mash-up is a horrible slice of crap pie with chicken droppings on top.

Quantum of Solace had better be better than this effed-up excuse for a theme. There is a tradition to be upheld. And Daniel Craig is in it.

Wednesday, October 1


Hellboy 2: The Golden Army finally made its way to La Sugbu's theaters. (I don't remember Prince Nuada ever getting half naked... maybe I should watch it again). Can't say it was something I will remember for the rest of my life, but it's pretty insane and Hellboy gets to hit a troll masquerading as a grandma, which is all sorts of wrong but really rather hilarious all the same.

A few things (probable spoilers included):
1. I liked Selma Blair's hair.
2. Barry Manilow makes an appearance! (His song does.)
3. Fish people have hearts, too.
4. Why didn't she just kill herself to begin with? I suppose if she did, there would be no movie.
5. Luke Goss keeps getting parts where he has to be in white-face. They did the same thing to him in Blade II. Stereotype!
6. I wonder what a Hellbaby would look like.
7. Would she have to give birth via C-section?
8. Guillermo del Toro sure likes creatures with lots of eyes. And horns. And teeth. Must see Spy Kids to see if he stayed true to form.
9. Prefer Liz Sherman's pyrokinetics to be blue. Much cooler.
10. The Bureau of Paranormal Research was channeling Grey's Anatomy.

Yes, I liked it. It was fun, mindless, ridiculous, non-stop action and the very thing to watch if you have nothing better to do and need to get over a snit fit.