Sunday, July 15

Here Kiddie Kiddie...

Here's Harry Potter from back in the day. Sorcerer's Stone movie. Cute little tyke, eh? Soulful eyes, wistful smile. Everybody now, awwww.

I really shouldn't have read the book so close to watching the movie. It just invokes feelings of disappointment. The book is so much more detailed, so much more colorful than that bland display of storytelling. Where was the swooping orchestral music? The humor? The Quidditch? The icky tea room where everyone who wants to kiss and canoodle on visits to the village goes?

Instead we have a hot(!?!?) Harry Potter, an insecure and way-too-obvious Ron (adolescence isn't kind to everyone) and a heavy-breathing, perpetually furrow browed Hermione, who is probably also capturing male attention for having breasts that have developed rather nicely.

Other than that, I did like the climactic wizard showdown very much. Dumbledore vs. Voldemort. That's right, bitches! They were bringing it on like there was no tomorrow. They kicked ass like that. You'd think two grown men playing with their sticks could be boring. Wait, that sounded really dirty... *slaps self* ANYWAY. I liked that part of it, at least.

It's disconcerting to see Harry now. How am I expected to concentrate on on plot and dialogue, when my brain keeps saying "look at the way he fills out a shirt"? He has muscle definition and is actually worth snogging. Can actually snog. That kiss reminded me of what it was like when I first got kissed - the whole "did someone get the license plate" dazed feeling of hormonal craziness that happens when you first lock lips with someone else.

God I am a sick pedo. He's supposed to be fifteen. I can't slaver over a fifteen year old orphan, can I? I shouldn't. It's wrong... but it's so easy... I could play Mrs. Robinson to his young graduate. Show him how the real world can be. Sick! Lusting over Harry Potter? How has it come to this? Is it my fault he's developed so nicely? Harry Potter and the Extra-large Condom?

(No, that's not a scene from the movie, it's a promo photo of Equus, the stage play he was in.)