The Next Best Thing to Naked

Grabbed from Nakanampucha

Grossness in action, LOL! This is one place I am staying away from, 100% guaranteed.

This was seen at a public pool in Pansol, Laguna. Damn, they're not kidding when they say public. I shudder to think of what the water there must be like. One can only speculate. A microcosm of microorganisms. You don't want that crawling up the cooch. Bring panties and a Haz-Mat suit!

You gotta love the Philippines - this is priceless with a capital P.

Paper Lurve

Origami porn alert! Turn away if you're squeamish. This is NSFW. I obviously had way too much to think about and my subconscious started rebelling.


Imogen arrived the other day and Cletus took to her like a duck does to water. Those two have been doing the nasty all over my desk, it's distracting. They won't quit! I've a video coming up - I just need to add the crazy synthesizer music. Imogen is a skanky piece of paper and Cletus is in love with her brand of perv. Shameless.

They also decided to involve Logitech in their fun. Paper gang bangs! Origami is a lovely lovely thing.


Trivia of the Day: the word origami comes from the Japanese "oru" (paper) and "kami" (fold).

Not to be outdone here's George, my new angel-
fish, who is happy swimming in his own area and doesn't give an eff. I seem to be doing a lot of the amphibians and water-dwellers. I'll start on the mammals soon enough, when I have the time. I love origami!

Deck the Halls

Amp up the scary! Halloween is getting celebrated, big time. Work is a hodge-podge of themes, and may the best team win. I was never into the halloween much. Last year I didn't even obther because it was my day off. This time around, I've a partner in crime - Aileen - who is crazy enough to go along with my shenanigans. I like that girl. Witness our bout with camwhoration. Hopefully there'll be more come Monday. I plan to dress up as a drag queen.

Disclaimer: I know Illi, I know. I'm fat. It doesn't help being photographed next to Aileen, who looks like a 12-year old but eats like a horse. Heck I don't think I was that small when I was twelve. If I ate like a horse, I wouldn't look twelve, I'd look like a blimp.

Fold Me Now

Origami is my new therapy of choice. I got into it two days ago for an activity I had to facilitate, and I'm hooked. It's all I can seem to do. There's something about just folding paper into triangles that's soothing. With the current stuff I do at work, sometimes it helps just to let my mind drift and let my fingers do the talking. Um. It's not as nasty as that sounds, you sickos.

At any rate, I've mastered the basic hopping frog and the origami box. I'm loving Origami Instructions, it's great for stuff to do, and pretty easy to follow. Never thought I'd be into doing all the folding. It must be all the spare paper at work. I've currently also been able to do the more complicated blow-up frog, and it's a horny pink one indeed. It likes to hump my mouse. That's because it's lonely. I think I'm going to name him Cletus. Tomorrow, Cletus shall have his green ladylove, Imogen. And then maybe he can stop raping my poor mouse, who is called Logitech. Incidentally, Logitech is a guy.

Seen-derella

Spent the remainder of last Sunday with Abby at SM, pretty much just roaming around, wasting time and money. Weekends should be spent with your fun girlfriendsAt any rate, it was a happy day! Quickly is back! Now I can get my taro ice fix. Quickly used to be the main reason I'd go to SM, but they disappeared for a while and broke my heart. Something about a hard time with the stock. Lies! All is forgiven because now it's available again. I know Alex loves taro ice plain, but I love taro ice with chewy nata bits. I plan to return and try out the pudding.

That's got to be the sweetest-smelling horse on earth. Come to think of it, using this on humans is ridic. Isn't the shampoo enough? Everytime I see this, I think of really really sleek thoroughbred ponies.

And finally, the most *cough* unique *cough* ice cream to date. On the cheap! Get it while supplies last!

Finally

CD-R King is my new store of choice! I got myself a dial-up modem on the super super cheap - maybe it'll blow up in a few days, but oh well. This store is the UniTop of electronics. I've gotten an optical mouse and a Bluetooth dongle, and now a modem. The mouse and dongle are still going strong but I'll need to wait before I give the verdict on the modem. Dial-up is slow and excruciating, but hey it's convenient for me right now so I'm making do. Yay, blogging!

Inconsolable

My song of the moment. Look at them emo the hell out of the song. Nick does a great job of looking straight, don't you think? BSB will always be in my very hard poppy tarty heart.

A Missionary

I think I want to watch this movie. Ryan Gosling is a great guy and I've always thought he was perfect in The Notebook. Now he gets to play a crazy with a sex doll for a girlfriend? A sex doll who's a ... missionary. Only the dumdums will never get the joke. Sources say it's Oscar material. Edgy. Me likey.

At any rate, this movie features a "Real Doll". These dolls are supposedly the closest thing to real - not your run-of-the-mill blow up dolls. Fact: on their site, one of the dolls is called Nika. Nika is an Asian type Real Doll. Don't look at me, they created the site.

Click here to go to the Real Doll website and get your kicks on. Don't thank me, sickos.

Headline Porn

Damn, but that is a whole lot of feces.

I bet American Standard toilet bowls are making a killing right now. I love those things. They are the bomb - manual labor to the limit. One pail of water and it allll goes away. You don't get to be a chicken and look away while your crap disappears. You have to look down and watch what you've created in the last few minutes. American Standard is for people with guts.

I couldn't find a picture, more's the pity. It's like a porcelain hole-in-the-ground. Not Filipino? I don't think you can relate.

Home for the Holiday

Mom's roses

Eidl'l Fitr was officially my first holiday!

Yeah. Spent it with the fam and all. I needed the fresh air, because life in La Sugbu is a horrible mix of noxious gases. No one wants to walk anymore, and everyone stays indoors with the a/c on full blast. Cars, trucks and jeepneys give off smoke emissions so black, it's like trying to inhale while standing in front of a factory pipe going full blast. Change your oil, you fucking cheapskates! Ugh already. To top it all off, everyone here smokes. Six year old kids in the corner with no pants are smoking. Disgusting old men smoke. Carpenters smoke. Call center agents smoke. I don't understand it. We're teetering on the brink of bankruptcy and we still have enough money to buy cigarettes? What morons. I wouldn't be surprised if someone has plans to Hiroshima/Nagasaki us to kingdom come.

Ahem. Anyway.

Moving along, the trip home wasn't too bad. Mother has taken to puttering around the house and planting like there's no tomorrow. I never knew she was such a green thumb. She says she talks to her plants (she swears it makes her daisies perk up). I've heard of people talking to plants and stuff, but this is my mother. Whatever floats her boat... have to say whatever it is she's doing to the those plants, it's working. The place is blooming and verdant. I also got a chance to hang out with my brothers, who are growing like weeds (I guess my mom talks to them too - if screaming in frustration counts). Oh, and Nikki the niece is tottering all over the place and putting everything she can reach in her mouth. Luke, the youngest, has just discovered the joys of Friendster. Quelle horreur! Oh, no. It's happening already. He will fall victim to the great unwashed who love the "testi". Anyway, a good time was had by all.

So now, I'm back and the grind begins anew. It really is a grind. I can't believe I haven't blogged in over a week.

V for Victory

Manny P. won the rumble in the jungle... err... will to win! Against Marco Antonio Barrera. In Vegas. Yesterday. I care because he's a cultural icon. Boxing is Philippine escapism. And I love Manny because he's a hot ho rumored to have bought Ara Mina a house and that's not a bad rags-to-riches story from a GenSan boy.

And I left my celly at home, charging. Curses! I can't give this out as Headline Porn!

Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Will someone please, please, please get a picture of this and send it to me? Because the moment will fade and I can't stand knowing time has passed me by. I'm raving, I know. I have to sleep.

UPDATE: Pic Added. Finally. (10-16-07)

I Wonder if I'll...

For Illi

Headline Porn

Got a glimpse of this on GMA's Weekend Report, so I had to check it out. The interweb has been showing crazy stuff lately. Damn, is it Pick on Pinoy Week or something? Harsh. Not sure if I believe the comments on this one, but this went out on the Jon Stewart show sometime last August. Had to do with "Is America Ready for a Woman President" or some such. See, this confirms it. The bigwigs of the country are digging stuff up so we can shift our focus from current corruption hoohahs!

Poor Cory. She goes to church a lot. Woman didn't pray her knees raw just to be Perez-ised on the Jon Stewart Show... if it makes it any better, they did the same to Indira Gandhi and Margaret Thatcher. Prime company, that. And some comments say they wouldn't have minded it so much if the picture used had been of her daughter, Kris.


HAHAHAHAH! Oh, snap! Don't hate, you know he has a point.

Dom's post reminded me I've been neglecting my duties as purveyor of Headline Porn™. I do still look around for lurid stuff, but nothing's been lurid enough to qualify. Still, this is hot enough, so consider this your Headline Porn of the day.

Another Day, Another Kick in the Face

"... diplomas, just to make sure they're not from some med school in the Philippines."

And the craziness begins. As usual, they're shooting the messenger, and I'm seeing "kill Teri," "die, Teri," "kapal ng mukha mo Teri" all over the place. Get the blame straight already. It was a script not an adlib, and the woman is working her bony ass off for the money so she will obviously say what the script tells her to say. Why would she care if she relegates the level of perception for Philippine medical education to the trash bin?

Maybe they could've just thought up any old country? Maybe they thought of the Philippines first rather than say, Timbuktu or Bangladesh or I don't know, any old country in the United Nations. Maybe they were poking at a map with their eyes closed to decide which country to make famous. *Point* Oh okay! Let's do Philippines!

Here's a thought. Maybe the bigwigs wrote the DH scriptwriters to make Teri spout this because they needed something to get the attention off the sordid happenings and shady deals that're crawling out of the woodwork lately. *cough* Senate Hearing! *cough* Broadband Deal! *cough*

Note to the great witch doctors of Siquijor: if you're going to do the whole voodoo black magic thing, hex/curse/pincushion the writers of the show.

Apparently, ABC has already issued the required mea culpa. Yeah, they tore their clothes, put ashes in their hair, fasted for a week and offered free copies of Season One to every Filipino in the land. Anyway, I watched the clip and didn't find it funny at all. I don't watch Desperate Housewives, and if this is any indication of what they find funny, I don't think I ever will. You know what I do find funny? This.

"... [Filipinos should be depicted as] prominent, positive role models."
- Kevin Nadal, Fil-American college lecturer, founder of online petition against DH

Positive? Oh, please. We all know our uplifting legacy also includes slave labor, mail order brides and illegal immigration, no matter how much you want to forget it.

See, this is the thing about Filipinos. We disparage ourselves left and right, and laugh out loud at our own ridiculousness. But it's kinda like our mothers. We can disparage our own mother, but if someone else does... talk about the mother(land) that way and boom! It's your ass, buddy.

This may actually be our defining moment because the moment you actually get Filipinos all around the globe mobilized, the world will come to a standstill. That's because we are (arguably) the hidden parts that makes the watch tick, keeps it going strong. Yes, we do the dirty jobs, the ones you want to forget need to be done. We wipe your dirty behinds, we sing you to sleep while you wait to die. We mop up your messes and fix your computers over the phone. We answer every idiotic question you have, listen to your tantrums and marvel at the sheer craziness of a nation that currently calls itself the top first world country.

Thing is, I don't think it's going to happen. I believe we're pretty numb to the whole thing. We've already been defined as "maids" and not much has been done about it. Besides, this is all about clout. It's not like we own nuclear warheads, or have a vast unfathomable vat of oil somewhere in the islands of Palawan. All we can do is place our hands on our hips and wag our finger at America. Make that two fingers. Oh yeah, you're gonna get it now! Bad America! Bad, bad America! So... yeah. It's not gonna do any good. Unless we get together and go on a timed national strike at the exact same time so they'll realize what they're really up against. Not really holding my breath on this one.

Aware, Much?

Hey, it's Customer Service Awareness Week worldwide! Yes, the fun ends on Friday (or Saturday, since that's usually the official weekender) but I'm sure no one gives a moldy old fart. Only the call centers and all the places that make a living providing good old customer care are whooping it up because yay, if no one will celebrate us, then we damn well will celebrate ourselves!

I think it makes sense because people are generally selfish and don't give an eff. As long as they get what they want, they'll forget that you ever helped them out or stuck it out through their momentary lapse into total stupidity. I've over two years experience with this, and seriously, longevity is hard to maintain when you're dealing with idiocy 24/7. I'm not knocking the dimbulbs, they're my bread and butter after all, but would it be too much to ask for a little bit of sanity in this crazy world? Don't people know how to read anymore, and are there any other excuses besides "your website sucks and it's so complicated?" Oh, right... there's "... but I booked it for Saturday!"

Whine, whine, whine. Blame, blame, blame. Only about 10% of people who call for help actually admit their own culpability. Another 15% are within their rights to be upset. The remaining 75% are whiney, tight-fisted, annoyingly demanding members of the human race who believe it is their God-given right to be in the right because hey, it's their money and it's not their fault they left their bloody airplane ticket at home, why should I bother to read the details? Okay, Mr. Smith. It's your money and your credit card, but try not to be a moron and be sure to read everything before you hit that "Pay Now" key, okay? Oh and Mrs. Jones? You yelling at me is not going to solve your problem. If you're too cheap to shell out a few extra dollars for a better place to stay, it's not my fault you're stuck in a dingy, cockroach-infested hump-n-pump. You get the full $39 you paid for, so suck it up. You haven't done shithole until you've done some select third-world wonders.

People keep asking why customer service seems to be dying out. True, it wasn't what it used to be. Since we insist on paying as little as we can to get as much as we can, it's not surprising. It gets compounded because they act all snotty and shit. To get some respect you have to earn it, and behaving like a petulant ass to the person who has the power to help you or to refuse help is not the best way to get on that person's good side.

That's right, we're celebrating how important our jobs are because we play a vital role in saving customers from themselves! Confetti, bitches. Confetti! We're saving the world a phone call at a time.

Ch ch ch ch changes

I haven't blogged for the longest time and I have a legit excuse. Yours truly is now a T-R-A-I-N-E-R, bitches! Yeah, I got me a promotion! I'm not president of this country yet but hey I gotta start somewhere, right? I'm sure I'm not the only one who's ever gotten a leg up on things, but for me this is a major thing especially since I'm known for not wanting to step out of my comfort zone. So pop that effing champagne already! I like the baaaaartenderrrrr *sings*

Today was my first and it was good. Always nice to start things off nicely. I'm still in the adjustment phase so I will probably mess up and all that. At any rate, I'm excited for everything else to come. It's nice to finally be able to do something different after two years of non-stop sameness. Took quite a few pix during a camwhorational moment and I'll be posting that up as soon as I get copies. They've outlawed Bluetooth on computers at work and my little phone's storage space stinks. So.... yes. I will definitely bug Jetty pooh to mail me the pictures.