Sticky Fingers

AHAHAHAHAH! I believe I have found my latest addition to the insanity of Headline and Mascot Porn. This is my new love, bitches!

Send it in, if you see any of these gems!

I love me some shoplifting mug shots. Nothing like having your photo plastered for all to see with your pilfered item of choice. Here is my first (and admittedly crappy) picture - and you will never guess where I found it.

Snapped it in an ukay-ukay near my favorite internet cafe. Unbelievable. This girl has plumbed new depths. Stealing from an ukay is probably widespread, but getting fingered for it? Priceless. Congratulations!

I'll get a clearer picture of her beauty soon. This is a promise.

This Just In

And in the most unlikely turn of events, Anne Rice, celebrated author of gothic vampire novels (Queen of the Damned, Interview With the Vampire, Tale of the Body Thief, etc.), is now a Christian. As in born-again, hallelujah-ing, clap your hands together now, Christian. Whodathunk? She was the last person I would think would turn to God.

Boggles the mind. Click here to read it for yourself.

I guess this is old news, but I just found out today. That is just plain crazyweird, considering the marvelously gory contents of her novels. Bones, spirits, vampires, death. But God forgives. No, don't throw stones. I think everyone has a right to religion, and I'm not kidding.

Maybe Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and co. will have a clue and get themselves to the nearest nunnery. Hey, if Anne Rice can find God, Hollywood coke-whores can, too! And they better do it fast before they snort themselves to death.

Up next, world peace.

Seen and Heard, Part Deux

Grabbed from Himantayon.com. What these guys have done is utter genius. It's my new fun site of choice and I recommend it to anyone who understands Cebuano. Ay lav et!

Seen and Heard

Discovered this store this morning with Chuck. I love the name - these people are priceless. From another angle:

You know, for upscale customers. If you don't wanna deal with your friendly neighborhood drug pusher, you know where to go.

Pass the dutchie to the left hand side...

Headline Porn Triumphant

I finally got my bluetooth situation under control, which means it's Headline Porn time!!! You didn't think I'd forgotten about your fix, did you? 'course not. It's an obsession now. Enjoy the cream of the current crap:

And he worked so hard to get there. Precious. God, this is so effing precious, I could cry. I don't suppose he realized he was climbing to his death? Akyat that bahay, bitch!

Christmas come early! Thank the gods for this, my Headline Porn™ tabloid of choice. Ang Playboy strikes again! Another piping hot mess served up for your consumption. I couldn't get a decent shot because if I took that paper down from where it was hanging, the fruit lady would've chased me out for being a perverted freak.

Revenge of the Sweatshops

Everyone's on China's ass these days - toy giant Mattel has recalled a bajillion toys which contain tiny little magnets that tykes (presumably) are all too willing to swallow and seemingly harmless toy automobiles painted with lead-paint.

Mattel recalls of toys for this month (with number recalled in USA):

Polly Pocket play sets: 7.3 million, plus 2.4 million in November 2006. Magnets can come loose.
Doggie Daycare play sets: 1 million. Magnets can come loose.
Barbie and Tanner play sets: 683,000. Magnets can come loose.
Batman and One Piece action-figure play sets: 345,000. Magnets can come loose.
Pixar Sarge die-cast cars: 253,000. Lead-paint hazard.
Nickelodeon- and Sesame Street-licensed character toys sold under Mattel's Fisher-Price brand: 967,000. Lead-paint hazard.
Sources: CPSC, Mattel, The Associated Press, USA Today

Seems China's credibility has been in free-fall ever since that pet-food recall incident. Suddenly everything that's "Made in China" is suspect, and they're testing things out the wazoo. You mean all these toys we've taken for granted are deadly? Apparently three children swallowed magnets from these toys and ended up with perforated intestines. Parents are by nature programmed to be paranoid and overprotective for the kiddies so it's no wonder the hue and cry about this latest setback is astounding.

See, this is why life in this country is good. We don't have the luxury of all those highfalutin' toys. Our children play with old tires and tin cans. Siatung, anyone? That's a game using slippers and bamboo sticks. Piko, which involves flat stones and lines drawn in the dust, is organic to the max! Kid friendly. We don't need no stinking Barbies, do we? No we don't.

This whole manufacturing witch hunt probably is legit, but the theorist in me lives on.

Could it be revenge for killing America's pets? I know how them Americans view their pets - they're like family members - or could it be a great excuse for America to pull out of China and leave them floundering? Back to Made in America! Think about it. They get their jobs back and their economy goes back to its pastime of kicking ass and Georgie W. can pontificate with pride again. Maybe it's China's way to world domination. Poison them slowly.

I have no idea why all of a sudden China is the devil, but when you cut costs and want more value for less, this is bound to happen. And now we Filipinos are cashing in on the hue and cry, making our own tests. I remember seeing something about White Rabbit Candy having formalin. So far they've also found freon in toothpaste and more lead in jewelry. Gasp! The rumors are true! They're gathering rats and making them into potted meat! If they test out my favorite Ma-Ling potted meat and find crazy human parts, I know I will be traumatized for life, because I love me my Ma-Ling.

Still, I need to know why this took so long. Why now? Made in China has been around for quite a bit, hasn't it? And we've been eating and drinking and playing and using their produce, haven't we? So why are we all caught up in this mess now?

Headline Savant Porn

village idiot savant: "RP Battles with Dandruff"

Dom beat me to it! Ah well. If you can't get your headline porn fix, gotta get it somewhere else. Someone is upholding the headline porn tradition! I am happy about this. Spread that love, spread that love! I promise some savory treats coming up once I get my bluetooth situation fixed. Bluetooth is my best friend!

This is such a precious country. Shedding scalp cells and everything. I don't understand how this could stand up in the world of professional journalism. MANILA BULLETIN! Thank you for this pricelessness! It reminds me why we want to escape this country. In droves.

Susie

Meant to blog today, but realized I'm way too pooped. Overdosing on Samurai X and not sleeping will do that to a body. All apologies for the dearth of headline porn... it will be back with a vengeance. This is a vow.

I'll leave you with the crazy King of Pop, Michael Jackson - say what you want about the Jesus Juice, this hot alien has churned out some great shizz.


Michael Jackson - Blood on the Dance Floor

I Believe I Will Have Your Heart Roasted on a Spit

Watched Ratatouille with DJ yesterday. Heard a lot about it, mostly positive but refused to listen to any further details, since I didn't think a movie about a rat who cooks would be worth anything. Boy was I wrong.

How could a rat possibly make a good protagonist? Not even Remy, the cultured, refined genius rat chef could've convinced me in the trailer. Maybe I'm way too used to trailers giving away mostly everything (Filipino cinema, I'm talking to you) - or teasing, tantalizing trailers that ultimately make me watch a movie that is anything but satisfying. Not Ratatouille. The movie is uplifting, educational and a modern-day fable for class differences, life's obstacles, and having courage to do what one believes in.

It had great action sequences, wickedly witty dialogue - "If it's garbage, and no one wants it, then why are we stealing it?!" - perfect voice casting, and hilarious comic timing. Still, a rat is a rat is a rat. People who don't like rats may want to close their eyes during a few scenes. I do love the shotgun-wielding granny. That biznatch was hardcore (Pixar always comes up with these quirky side characters who steal the show. My personal favorite will always be Edna Mode, fashion designer for the Incredibles).

There's something to be said about going to a movie expecting absolutely nothing, and being pleasantly, awesomely surprised. Eating crow never tasted so good. Pixar deserves its reputation for well-made, awesomely told, animated movies.

Here's Lifted, an animated short from Pixar. Genius. Ay lav et.

Pixar - Lifted
Uploaded by NicOFP

Barely Clothed and Writhing

50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake - Ayo Technology
Uploaded by kevinb1984

My, my, my. Curtis Jackson and Justin Timberlakey in a viddy together? Fiddy is totally capitalizing on Justin's current market value. I don't get why JT always has to go show he's all RnB and all that... sometimes he tries way too hard to be all tough and street credibled. I do like the song and I suppose it's sexy.

Will they ever have a decent video with no strippers? Seriously. How about midgets bumping uglies? Butterflies and cotton candy? It's strippers and strippers and oh yes, even more strippers. And throwing the dollaz around town, and etc. It's tired.

This just got released yesterday, so here goes. Ayo Technology (She Wants It) by 50 Cent, feat. Justin Timberlake. With the requisite Timbaland cameo. That man is in everything. Enjoy.

Ironically Yours, Headline Porn

The Catholic Bishops will take action against the pedos of the world! Mmm hmm. And guess who'll probably get to be the first entity that the CBCP takes action against? LOL. The genius who did this front page either has a twisted sense of humor, or has absolutely no idea what's going on.

Do Not Sniff Rugby Before Noon

AHAHAHAHAAH! What a treat! How often do you get crazies riding in the front seat of a jeepney you ride? Taken on my way to Ayala last Wednesday. Precious. He must've been sniffing the rugby bottle a bit too much. Everybody was pretending not to notice the hyena in the front seat, of course. Even moi. Except I was sneakily putting it down for posterity. Ay lav et.

Headline Porn

This is new. One out of five Filipinos is considered nuts? That's a pretty tight ratio. Scary, scary - did they mention a lot of those one-in-fives are currently in top positions all over the country? The rest are in the streets scratching their nuts in public. This is kind of funny until you stop and think. And then it gets depressing.

Ahahahahaah! Grossness. You never really appreciate being able to understand Cebuano until you read shit like this.

Ang Playboy disappointed me by not showing up on the street this week. I suppose it got snapped up before I got a chance to post it for posterity. Damn you, Ang Playboy! Now I'm addicted. I need my fix! Now!

Flavor of Butt

I keep reading about this Flavor of Love show, but it hasn't reached here so from what I've read, it's tacky and full of trash. Sounds like fun. It'll give Pinoy Big Brother a run for its money, I'm sure. Anyway, here's Deelishis, the one who won Season 2. She's also known for having a gigantic ass. Here's her new vid, "Rump Shaker."

Deelishis-rumpshaker
Uploaded by advakidd

Mein Gott, it's like watching a cellulitic train wreck. Is there something that can be salvaged from this? Don't thank me for the jiggling, sickos. Wouldn't it be great if Jennifer Lopez had done a little walk-on cameo? Sheer perfection. So fierce.

That being said, I kinda like the song.

Fifteen

Warhol was right. We'll all get our requisite fifteen minutes, sooner or later.

Here's BFF Illi, snagging himself a full page in last month's ish of Zee Lifestyle, Cebu's premier glossy. That's my girl. Reaching out across the miles. *Hums the Globe theme*


Alex joins in the fray - he hates that picture...


And there's Georgie and yours truly getting their blurbs on. I did a couple pieces for Zee's July ish, which warranted the blurb in the contributor's page.

It's great when you get into glossies! (Thanks, Chucky)