Bring Forth the Ark

It's raining sadness and worry for me right now because of reports that my beloved hometown is swimming with the fishes.

The great flood is washing away homes and rats, so my friends tell me. And that Lee Super Plaza (according to Dom's post) had to close at 5PM because the flood reached the counter?! This is not good. And I wish I could get in touch with my family but I can't because I don't even have a phone at the moment.

George reports there were rats the size of kittens hiding out under their car, trying to escape the flood. And that Buñao had water that was waist-deep, with diapers floating along and rats trying to keep on living. And that you can't see the benches in Freedome Park because it's submerged in water. I hope my family is okay.

Goodbye, Preciousss

Sneaky little Hobbitses up and carried off my Motorola L6 last Thursday! The filthy little thieves! We hates them, we hates them!

Sadness. Take a moment and help me mourn the death of a very good tech friend.

My preciouss is now officially lossst and I'm going to have to go on another quest to find a replacement. I started the quest earlier this afternoon and I'm going nuts trying to choose. It's so hard.

This is like having a bad break-up... I've had that phone number since time immemorial. It's the first sim I bought, and it's been eight years - forcibly taken away and now I have to start fresh. I'm still in mourning, actually. The separation sucks and I hate the knowledge that I'll have to spam all of you and ask for your phone numbers again.

Maybe it's a good thing I have Facebook.

Yes, the universe has plans for everything and this is probably life's way of screaming at me to get a new phone and a new phone number instead of procrastinating.

So the question is: Globe, Smart, TM, Talk and Text, Sun? What's it going to be? I'm comfortable with Globe, I wouldn't touch Talk and Text though. My latest children have been screaming their choices and they're almost unanimously Globe. Should I still stay with them? Their customer service sucks, big time. Like really sucks. Don't call Globe customer service unless you want an excuse to blow your top and have your blood pressure regulated.

Having lost my cellphone (and, subsequently, the method by which the outside world contacts me) is strangely liberating. I'd forgotten what it was like to not be so readily available. I'm not very sure if I like it at the moment. The silence is deafening.

Headline Porn, Horrifically

On a sobering note, this has been making people crazywild all last week - and the madness just keeps going strong. A call center supervisor was found dead, her body stuffed in two garbage bags. She'd been stabbed 24 times. Crimes of passion.

Really, the only reason it's struck such a note is because the "mastermind" used to work in the account I work for, so a lot of people know her and the emails have been flying. It's surreal. I knew that girl, even sent a kudos email for her. It's very weird to see someone I know dominating the headlines. While the crime is horrible and ghastly, seeing work colleagues make the headlines has also made me think - have I been in this city too long?

Ichthyo-Therapy

I know, the fridge wasn't enough. Here's more craziness from the mecca you really need to visit. With lights!

Imagine the beauty of a single fat koi swimming (okay, wriggling in place) lazily around in that little tank right beside your laptop. It's powered by your laptop so you can't turn the thing off or the koi will die.

Don't let your koi die. It's therapeutic to watch fish. Remember the aquarium channel? This is loads more fun, I promise.

Just Chillin'

The bliss! The utter bliss! See, this is why I love CD-R King. I hate the queue, but I love the produce. I was holding my breath and waiting for the day they start selling kitchen sinks you can connect to your PC via USB, and thought it was never gonna happen. But no. CD-R King did me one better and showed me that wishes do come true:

Ahahahahahahaah!!! Feast your eyes on "the only way to keep your drink cold while you're at your computer!" Yeah, because you can't be bothered to drag your lazy fat butt out of the chair to visit the fridge. This is the future... we're all going to be stuck in our chairs facing our PCs, and everything will be connected via USB.


Here's the inside of this modern-day miracle. Isn't it wonderful, technology nowadays? We've gone from placing bottles in a running stream, to iceboxes, to this. You know you want one. You know you do.

Headline Porn

It's been a while since we've been graced by the yummy goodness of Headline Porn. I thought this was worth sharing, since I believe I lost hope when my favorite Ang Playboy just disappeared from the shelves... err... yeah, you know what I mean.

Isn't this a lovely example of responsible investigative journalism? Hataw is now my new Headline Porn source of choice. This is why we go to school! This is why we refuse to just pay for some fake-ass diploma. This type of hardcore journalism takes guts and dedication. Our future is bright.

Tissues are in the drawer to the right. Have fun.

Obamacized

Remember that iconic Obama image? It's gone viral. Want to be an iconic image too? Go have your fun at the Obama icon generator. Here's mine:

Got Milk?

Here's the training team's alpha she-male copping a self-feel while posing in front of a mysterious room at SM City, Cebu. Dreams may come true! Someday you and I might wake up and find Paulie doing the big bajiggle on the Ops floor. He says he's doing the hormones this year. I couldn't help myself.

Honestly, what goes on behind the blue shades? Are the lactating mothers whipping out their boobies and feeding the hungry? Strangely, we heard no baby-wailing. Shouldn't there be crying babies here? It's all very mysterious. I wanted to go in to see for myself, but sometimes the mysteries are better than reality.

Socially Yours

I had an interesting conversation about sociopathic tendencies with my friends last week. Beneath our composed exteriors lie shades of sociopathy. I ended up wondering if that's what keeps us together as friends - our mutual dislike for society. Or the society we were in, really. (High School counts as a society.)

Oh, I'm not a sociopath. I just have minor tendencies, I think. Being a full-fledged sociopath entails having absolutely no conscience, single-minded resolve to subdue, and the ability to lie your way through life. I can't lie to save my life, and have a guilt-complex to boot. Sociopaths do not like people - to them, people are instruments, means to an end. The thing is, sometimes people bring it on themselves. It's really easy not to like people, society as a whole.

How do you contain the bile, when you see the stupidity that goes on in Friendster, for one thing? I have always maintained my distance from that site, having seen countless millions go glazed-eyed and succumb to the glitter, and photo ops, and the stupid comments, the adding people you barely know.

This is why I like Facebook. It just doesn't feel the same. As elitist as that seems, Facebook feels like a site for people who have more to do than worry about testimonials and glittery looking profiles.

Furry and Yellow

I've been watching the Australian Open since last week. Particularly blown away by the Venus Williams - Carla Suarez Navarro match. The Spaniard seriously took my breath away - at first because she was just so... un-telegenic. As unfair as that sounds, we have to face it. A lot of tennis players have the cuteness factor going on. Even Serena manages to sway our attention from her profile by wearing outlandish outfits. But Carla looked like a geek. The overbite, untamed curly hair, tennis outfit straight outta the eighties... makeover screaming to happen. And then I got past her looks, because with a backhand like hers, you just tend to forget how she looks and focus on how she plays. True talent. Her backhand is a bitch, and she can hit winners like no one's business.

She had the lean, athletic Venus running all over the court, making errors. It was like watching the tennis version of The Karate Kid. Absolutely amazing. I was clapping my ass off. It's not everyday you get to see Venus Williams get her ass handed to her, but Carla Suarez Navarro did it, and she did it well.

This is why I like tennis. Beneath its veneer of civilization, it's like watching two gladiators trying to kill each other. With a little yellow ball.

PS: Why is Federer so grim? The last time I saw him tripping on court, he was relaxed, happy and looking like a blast from the past at Wimbledon 2008. It's the Australian Open and he's not world number one anymore. Now he just looks so... tired. He needs a facial.

Clockwork Orange

Lame, utterly useless story of the day: for some crazy reason I've been eating oranges for the past two weeks. Have to say they really are a great way to kick the nasty nasals - you know, when you've got that scratchy, drippy feeling in the back of your throat and the next day it turns into a runny nose. It's a newfound love! It's like opening your eyes and realizing that the thing you've ignored is actually a gem. Or something. Did that make any sense?

I've only just learned how to really, properly eat an orange. I never used to "eat" them, I'd just suck all the juice out and throw the pulp away. Looking back it's all so wasteful. I take pride in only leaving the rind and pips. They're really yummy. I'm having oranges in my future home 24/7; I think a fruit basket would be a colorful decoration. Not that I'm the best decorator on earth, but yeah.

So, an average orange has 62 calories and a ton of vitamins. Apparently you can burn of 62 calories just by sitting in a chair for 25 minutes. Yay!

Headline Porn

What a glorious way to begin the year. Look what just dropped from the sky. Headline Porn coming up, piping hot and so effing fresh!

Isn't it wonderful how they just give you ointment for the sores? Why not give band-aids for open heart surgery? I love it. What we need are Haz-Mat suits and a few tons of Clorox, not to mention regular baths to clean this up. Not just ointment, sheesh.

Pancreas of Evil

I know this is late but Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer, and he's had it for about a year now. Not Miss Vida Boheme! Miss Vida should not be going the way of Rudy Fernandez. Not the queen of the Manhattan Bohemes. Who else could feel like Miss Jayne Mansfield in a $50 broken down rattletrap of a car?

Click here to read Barbara Walter's interview with her. Seeing that fabulous self wasting away is just so sad. Wishing only good things for you, Miss Vida.

Lunchtime T & A

It may sound prudish, but shouldn't shows like these be confined to off-peak hours when the children are sleeping? Yes, you say? Not in this country. This is the intro to Wowowee's Pera o Bayong segment, airing daily at high noon. Somehow, with the children at the dinner table, it just feels like we're exposing them to smut and soft-core porn too early in the day.

I sometimes feel like Wowowee should start handing out condoms, tissues and small sachets of Jergens to the audience. Because, y'know - it's just needed. It's lunchtime! Come and get your daily diet of tits and ass! Look at all the horny people in the audience. And the grandmas taking pictures. Why is no one protesting? I see children! This is family time!

It's like being at the Bikini Open with the family. Is anyone beyond feeling numb anymore?

If this is the mental diet we're feeding the children, woe betide the next generation. We'll end up raising a new order of STD-ridden, promiscuous whores. I know my generation was supposed to be the shocker of the millennium, but we're young innocent virgins compared to the future by-products of whoever watches this daily. This is just all sorts of wrong.

Blech

Speaking of movies, I can't wait until that blasted MMFF is over and we're not force-fed stupid Tagalog flicks anymore.

The last time I watched a Tagalog flick was that Judy Ann-Piolo starrer, and I came out of it emotionally scarred. Never again. I can't do it. It's just... stupid. Spoonfed, sugary and stupid. Yes, we have some saving graces, but those are blips on a radar clogged with ridiculous wastes of time. Case in point: Ang Tanging Ina N'yong Lahat. Another case in point: Iskul Bukol. When will this insanity end? Do we really need to sit through another round of shitty, meaningless schlock with aging comedians who have the same schtick?

If it's not some "comedy" it's something about an ugly person who ultimately becomes beautiful and lives happily ever after. Why do ugly people never live happily ever after in Tagalog movies/soap operas? Ugly people are only good for a laugh. We are slaves to the Disney myth: everyone must be happy, pretty and start singing.

I don't see it as snobbery. It's not colonial mentality. It's about being entertained. Entertain me! I am the hungry blood-crazed mob, and Ayala Cinema 1 is my Colosseum. They make us pay through the nose to watch flicks, and I'd like to get my money's worth, thankyouverymuch. Yes, I know. But I am a brainwashed consumerist (not proud of it, not ashamed of it either) and I make no pretensions. I don't really need the "deep" movies, the elegiac, prosaic, noirish stories that are spun - although I do enjoy some of them. Movies are an escape from the dreariness of real life; I like to forget about reality for a while.

I've seen some really good Tagalog movies - the Brocka's, Bernal's, even the Vilma Santos as Darna movies... but lately, they're all cut out of the same cookie-cutter, boring, predictable mold. Which is why Tagalog flicks just don't do it for me.